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holding on

by 1298

ever feel like you’re losing everything? you watch from a distance, but even from another perspective, you can’t manage to make sense of what’s happening.

so you choose just one thing to hold onto. it doesn’t really matter what it is, but you make it mean everything, because you need something to stay. you need this one thing for the world to revolve around because if the world doesn’t have an axis then what the fuck. you’re too scared to let go, you might fall and you have no idea where you will land.

but happens when you start to doubt that one thing? when you’re not even really doubting but you know for a fact that it’s just a safety net, that it’s false, and stupid …?

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4 comments

Salt 12/3/2014 - 12:05 pm

This post really speaks to me. I tend to do exactly what you described because, in general, it’s a very logical & effective strategy.

For example, say you’re fixing a car. It just doesn’t run, and you feel overwhelmed. Well, then just work on the headlights for a while. Block everything else out, get the headlights working and that will give you some momentum to tackle the rest later.

But, like you said, what happens when that 1 thing doesn’t work out? Or you look at yourself, spending hours on a stupid headlight when there are more important things in the world to do?

I’m in that position right now. I desperately needed 1 small success to keep me going. So I tried doing something easy. Not only did it fail, it blew up in my face and fucked up the rest of my life even worse.

All week I’ve been trying very hard to come up with a new emergency plan, but how do you recover from something that was already your “emergency plan”?

All I can suggest is try again, only this time choose something that you enjoy doing. So even if it fails, you can say you had a fun time wasting your time.

I’m sorta rambling, but I hope some of this might help you out. I guess what I’m saying is that everything is potentially “false and stupid”. So pick something that’s false and stupid and fun?

1298 12/3/2014 - 3:02 pm

no, i agree. and thank you for the response. for some reason i still can’t refocus, though. because refocusing requires letting go, I think

maybe eventually I’ll get there

creatoroftheuniverses 12/3/2014 - 11:22 pm

This describes my last relationship. I was so desperate to hang on to it because that’s all I had to care about. The one thing keeping me from going away. But then we broke up and now I don’t see what else I should live for .

TatteredWings 12/4/2014 - 9:04 pm

Like finally escaping hell only to find out you landed in Hell 2.0. #MyLife

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