Earlier this spring I made the huge mistake of telling my closest friends about my suicidal thoughts. Being the friends that they were, like any other people, they tried to talk me out of it. But my suicide plans got out to other people. They’d come and ask me about it and would always plaster a “concerned” look or “friendly” smile on their face, and start with the same frightening phrase, one that sends shivers down my spine
“I won’t judge you”
If approached about your suicide, when you hear that phrase leave their lips. Run my friend, run.
4 comments
Hi.
I understand so much why someone would think this phrase would help, and I understand why it’s such a horror to you.
I’m pretty sure the person just wanted to help and didn’t have the slightest intention of making you feel that way. I guess you feel like it wouldn’t bother anyone if you actually pulled it through, that you have no place or significance in the world etc. (which should be pretty familiar to most of the people on the Suicide Project). But I think it’s meant the other way round. They respect your decisions and don’t want to make you feel selfish for your thoughts.
Because you certainly would be missed and you would do something horrible to your friends and family. I hope you know that. I wouldn’t judge you either, but I wouldn’t approve your leaving – like, there’s a difference between judging you or judging the step you’d go.
I’m sorry that you feel so lost and don’t see a different way out at times, but I think you can hold out if you care to. I think you’re strong enough to decide against it (not against life, though).
However.
I wish you all the best.
-R.
When people ask me how I am, I always smile and say I’m okay, I also imagine telling them how I really feel. I know they would be shocked and act exactly as you describe; I’ll keep it to myself. If I die through suicide they’ll wonder why it suddenly happened not knowing I’d been thinking about it for ages. Seeking help is a good thing, it does help, but you have to find the right person: someone totally trusted, a relative, or someone trained to help.
it’s best not to disclose being actively suicidal as if the person you told approached some kind of authority they’re legally obligated to put you in a psychiatric unit in a hospital for at least 4 days, if not longer
everybody judges about everything man. just the way it is. stick with one person who you confide most things in.