not looking for someone to talk me out of this

My life has not been exactly what you would call easy. I got charged with a rape I never committed at the age of 20. It shall follow me forever as they put me on the sex offenders registry. I honestly did nothing. Life went on and I fell in love. My ex took my kids and now will not let me see them, I stayed single for a long time, finally found love again, she left me for whatever reasons she might have had. Everyone who knows me really doesn’t like me that much. Judgements and all. Everyday I am reminded of just how bad things are. I don’t get to watch my babies grow up, I don’t even get to have my sanity. I am losing cognitive functions, and control of my body. I am forgetting words and the English language. I am losing myself to whatever might be wrong with me. I am losing huge chunks of time. I promised Jesus I would stay alive until He came back for me. I’m not sure if I can keep said promise if it isn’t soon. Even though I am unsure as to how my life got this way, I am sorry to whoever I may have wronged. I wanted to write this while I still had my sanity. Who knows maybe tomorrow I wont remember why I am sad… While this might seem incoherent, I used to have a high IQ… I had so much promise… I don’t want to burn forever so I stay alive only to live this out daily. Jesus is my savior (hopefully). I just want out of life. I want out of this. If God willing, please may I not exist rather than burn forever? I don’t even want heaven, I just want non-existance. I was raped when I was 5-10 by the neighbor, nobody believed me… Every day in school I was hated and had no friends, I couldn’t figure out why either… I tried keeping to myself. I am really fat, 265lbs. I lost hope ages ago, I just want the headaches to end… The pain in my head is unbearable… I pray for anyone else in my situation, may my death release someone else of pain.