Feeling alone.. I don’t know how much longer I will be here

let me first say hello to those who know me and know that I am well..

I know that I haven’t posted here in a while but I feel it is in need for me to post.. I am here because well I have not found that reason yet and well I do not plan on it. My story is complex and no one seems to understand that it will never get better for me. I know that it had been a long road for me and I have been fighting for so long to keep on going and well I think that my fight is over. I have been fighting for 6 years now and the challenges seem to have become out of my reach to tackle. I have seen the monster inside me (depression) grow and grow and now I do not wish to fight it any longer. I have become suicidal once again and now that I have been watching the feelings grow and the urges to cut or kill myself are causing me nothing but grief and pain. I feel that this is the end of my journey fighting because let me be very clear.. I have been caused to much pain and well I refuse to believe that it is going to get better. In the end and looking back I see that I have been strong and have been fighting the monster but at this point it has taken over me. I have been strong for way to long and it seems that no one would really ever care to see that I have left. People can sat or do what ever they can to keep me here but they are only doing it too spare their feelings and the pressure and stress of dealing with a lost cause like me or another suicide.. so In the end of all of this madness and at the end of the day I a still the same depressed, f-ed up person you used to know.. I haven’t changed I do no think that anyone will ever be able to save me from the darkness that has eaten me alive.