I realized that I don’t want to be alone, because being alone truly sucks. I am so unhappy with my physical appearance that it just depresses me and makes me so insecure. Over the past few months I have gained 22 pounds and until recently I lost 10 pounds. I feel so ugly and I want to change but its so hard, I guess I don’t want it bad enough huh? I gave my all to someone that took advantage of it and just hurt me. And now I’m afraid, I don’t want to do that again and so I don’t. I don’t let myself be loved by anyone and I don’t let myself love. I don’t do it on purpose I swear and I don’t know how to stop it. Idk how to believe compliments and accept them idk how to be ok. The loss of the person I thought my ex was, it haunts me from time to time. I don’t talk about it or mention him as much anymore. It hurts a little, not as much in fact its more like an emptiness that I feel. I’ve made the choice to move forward with my life months ago and have been doing so. I burned every card and picture I had, I removed him from my life completely. I hope he’s happy though, that he becomes a better person and I hope the same for myself. I met a guy almost a year ago and the timing wasn’t the greatest. I still thought I was in love with my ex and wanted him back. This new guy was amazing he caught my interest strangely and I don’t really know why. We have a friendship that’s not really a friendship, we have a relationship that’s not really a relationship. I don’t think or feel like I’m in love with him but I care about him and that’s kind of big for me right now. And there was talk about us officially being in a relationship and he said he wasn’t ready for a relationship. Everything he told me all his reasons and explanations made sense, in fact it felt as though I was saying it to myself. I don’t know if he cares about me even a little, sometimes I think he does but then I think to myself why would a guy like him want someone like me? I’m awkward I talk way too much and I’m over weight not to mention all my issues. There’s someone better out there for him anyways, and sometimes I want to just remove him from my life. Maybe I should, but I don’t i guess because I like him. I guess none of this matters all that matters is that i’m miserable and I’m sad and all I want is to be happy.
share your suicide story
Report Post
Please log in to report posts
2 comments
hey there can see that you’re having a bit of bad time , this may sound cliché but still “try to love yourself ” . you’re ex must have been an ass but I can see that you still have feelings for him. if you can love a selfish guy like him then why not try to love yourself, indulge yourself in activities you love, go trekking visit new places or better still buy a puppy that’s unconditional love in its purest and know that what you are in the inside is what makes you who you are rather than your outward appearance. this new guy may like you for your character rather than appearance. Don’t feel low about yourself you’re worth a lot more than a broken relationship
I hope this lifts your mood TC
In regards to you feeling like your new friend would be better off without you, I can say that I know what that feels like. It seems like you (not necessarily meaning you personally) can see everything “wrong” with you so clearly that your friend must be able to do so as well, which means he will reject you or he’s not a very good judge of character (he likes you after all)… that sentiment happens a lot for me too.
But that argument is bullshit. Even though you feel so bad that you can’t accept the good in you, others can. Try listening to them, no matter how unnatural it feels to be praised and accepted (and I know it does sometimes…) because you may begin to realize they could have a point after all.