I should have known. I was stoic before I, really, met you. I was made of stone…granite! Nothing could break down these walls…then you came along. You changed me, somehow. You did everything right. You were nearly perfect! You were formal and appropriate. I convinced myself that I was being ridiculous. Why was I keeping you at a distance? I gave myself permission to let you into my heart and to see my soul…
HOW COULD YOU? I LOVED YOU! YOU MADE ME LOVE YOU!
Now where am I? I can’t eat without feeling sick. I go to bed with my last thoughts on you….and I wake up, sweating, and tears running down my face because of the memory of you. Who do you think you are? You came in with shinning promises only to rip them away after I buy in.
I used to think you were a wolf, like me. Loyal, brave, and strong. Now, I can see that you were the fox in my fairytale; the trickster.
Whatever hope there ever was for me to ever let anyone in, died with you. Abandonment is the meaning of my life….and it seems like it’s the ending, too.
1 comment
It seems like you lost a special someone. I’m sorry about that. Losing someone particularly close can be devastating. You mentioned in your post that this person changed you. While this loss might be hurtful, it’s entirely possible (and probable) that you can experience these warm feelings again.
You probably had your good moments and your challenging moments. Think about both. You can use both as you move ahead. It might not be easy and it may take some time. You know how it feels to have a warm heart. It can happen again.
If this person really was a fox, try to remember that not everybody is like that. I’ve been working through trust issues in therapy and they can raise the barriers between me and others quite high. Try not to isolate yourself. Been there; done that. Isolation isn’t your friend.