Things are beyond hopeless. Things are ridiculous. Came to realizations too late in life. I’m almost 50 and just realized that my parents are self entitled critical narcissists who eroded my self esteem and that I spent 15 years with a spouse who is just like them. I have been the take it and put up with the bs – in every relationship and work place. Because why ? Because I settled and took the first boyfriend/job that comes along to get out of the debacle…the cycle has been continuous. Fast forward to now: I have no money and will run out of dog food for my dogs tomorrow. I am on leave from work and do not think I am. getting paid the partial pay rate at the end of the month. I have zero 401k/retirement and I owe 30k in debt from the marriage I left 4 years ago. I don’t have the money to pay to see my doctors to get my papers signed for my leave to be extended; I can’t afford to see the counselors I really need to see. I have 16 years to work and try to save for retirement. I can’t find a job even though I have an advanced degree and awesome work experience. I need to get out of the toxic work place I am trapped at. I can’t find a decent person to date. I guess why the heck even bother to work and save for retirement when I can’t find a job and then try to find a partner in life. I don’t have kids so it does not matter.
My answer depends on if I get paid or not at the end of the month if I last That long. If I don’t get paid I can’t pay my rent or utilities. I don’t have the money or energy to move. I will drop my dogs at the vet and Facebook my ex to get them after I drive to my bosses house and kill him. Then I kill myself. I have already given away my jewelry and will leave my house unlocked in case my family doesn’t have the keys.
7 comments
I’m sorry things feel so hopeless but please don’t do that.. Just take it easy and think rationally, please. Don’t hurt anyone. Can you reach out for help from friends and family? A little money to feed the dogs and something that can last you for a week or two so you can deal with things with a little less pressure…
Thank you. I did ask family for a small loan and I will be getting some money today so that I can buy food and dog food and gas for the moment.
Don’t kill your boss.. or anyone.. if you were to do something crazy try and pull off a heist, Rob your company for alot of money and flee to thailand haha. Okay that is terrible advice sorry..
Things will work out man, you will find a better job in your field and make lots of monye to pay off your debt.. it’s only 30k, and who cares.. it’s not like you take your debt with you into the afterlife.. Fuck it.. you be fine. Hey atleast you don’t got kids putting yiu into even more debt right? So relax.. things will fall into place buddy, keep positive 🙂
If you’re seriously considering or planning this, I strongly urge you to drop off the dogs and have your ex get them, and check yourself into a hospital. You do have rights, especially if it’s a voluntary check-in, but don’t kill your boss, no matter how much you want to and no matter how much he might deserve it.
That said, I understand that urge, to utterly destroy someone who is purposely fucking with your life and causing you pain, more than you know.
I totally understand what you are saying but even checking in is pointless. If i can’t pay rent or afford to move, then those problems are still there even after being discharged from a hospital. So what is the point of the whole thing ? Applying to tons of jobs and never getting an interview ? If I don’t get paid at the end of this month – it is done. Really, what is the point. I am done fighting and putting up with bs. Even if I can get a job, its about digging out of significant debt, saving for retirement, and then what, to entirely live the rest of my life like this ? I just don’t see the point. I grew up poor, lived the high life when I was married, lost my butt plus some in the divorce. Hindsight is 20/20 about saving, putting up with bs, but it is too late for that. It is what it is and this is what I am looking at from this point forward. I have looked for pennies in the couch for most of my life and I just can’t do it anymore. I read on Yahoo today that 62% of Americans are one check away from being homeless. I get that. Rolling the dice gets old when you really don’t see it getting better. I want to see my boss and have him tell me to my face why he thinks its ok to harass and screw with me. My hair has fallen out from the stress. I want him to tell me WHY he thinks its ok. I am past the point of being angry with him. I know that I will not be able to control myself when I see him. It is waaaay past personal at this point.
I’m really sorry things are so dire, kittycat. I hope you can find a new job with decent pay. You might want to consider filing for bankruptcy. Get a clean slate, so to speak, and start saving what you can.
Checking into a hospital may not change your financial situation, but it will help your frame of mind. Consider it a vacation where the only goal is for you to take a breather emotionally. I hope you reconsider, kittycat, even if it’s hypocritical of me since I am on death row when it comes to suicide as well. I understand your financial situation greatly, as I grew up the same way. Always getting evicted from our home, no food, water and heat getting shut off. It seems like it will never end. But if you are going to end your life, please reconsider killing your boss. Even if he/she is an asshole of epic proportions, is it worth ruining your final moments with their blood on your hands?