I have frequent dreams like this, sorry for the long read

A man wakes up one Sunday morning drinks his routine cup of coffee, eats breakfast, and finds himself compelled to visit his local church. He hasn’t been to church in over ten years but for some reason feels compelled to go for some strange reason. This is odd because he is deathly afraid to step foot in a church because he simply fears the awkward confrontation he knows will happen. In some ways this fear stems from feelings of guilt for leading an average life stewed with simple guilty pleasures like infidelity and casual substance abuse. Mostly he fears atoning for what he feels the religious community will shame him for as soon as he opens up, like most people do who randomly feel compelled to step in the holy doors of the church. Amit is fears he gets in his raggedy car and drives just a few minutes down the road to the local nondenominational church many of his neighbors have told him about. He chooses this church out of shear convenience, in hopes that if he feels too awkward he can simply slip out and go home just in time to catch a little Sunday football on the boob tube. As he steps out of his car he’s slightly embarrassed by an older couple staring at him because he was playing Five Finger Death Punch as he pulled into the parking lot. They surely heard the unsavory brand of music loud and clear. As he approaches the church he becomes surprisingly settled and casually strolls into the foyer making minimal eye contact with the elderly greeters who welcome him and hand him a Sunday program.

He takes a seat in the back and immediately notices what many of his friends consider smoking hot Sunday church girls looking for trouble. Despite his curiosity he makes little eye contact but he can’t help but notice some of the women here are around his age, and really good looking! His mind races for a second thinking about all the typical male dirty things he’d like to do to them and he starts to break a light sweat. He has a moment of clarity and tries to get his mind right despite his typical thoughts he’s so used to giving into. The service begins and he is immediately bored. He can’t imagine sitting through an hour of what he feels is mental religious water boarding in the most literal sense of god trying to penetrate his thick skull with the gospel. Feeling very fidgety he reluctantly slips out the back of the sanctuary waiting for the pastor to say something witty like “where are your going sir am I boring you”? Thankfully he slips out unannounced and heads to the men’s room. As he stands at the urinal contemplating if he should leave or risk possible further religious water boarding an ordinary man enters the bath room and walks to the urinal next to him.   This was yet another awkward situation because the designer of the bathroom clearly failed to consider man space and did not put dividers between the urinals. So like most men he stared straight ahead shook twice and began to zip up. But for some reason he felt the eyes of this ordinary man burning him as if lasers were trying to burn the sinful thoughts he had just a few minutes ago right out of his dome piece. The ordinary man then said to him “we all have our time, don’t worry yours will come soon enough”.   At this point he knew he had to leave the church as fast as humanly possible because shit was just way too awkward and no matter how guilty he felt about his life, maybe today was a bad day to try and repent. So he lightly laughed washed his hands and proceeded to leave the church. As he busted out the double doors a sense of relief came over him like he was finally free from a Vietnam prison camp.

He drove home with little remorse, and felt great that he at least made the attempt to make things right with god even though he really didn’t believe in the whole religious business he once coaxed himself out of ten years ago. Fortunately the game was just starting and it was time for some cold Miller Lite to wash away the nerves from his morning encounter. His place was usually frequented by a few of his friends on the weekend and to no surprise his off and on girlfriend Abby rang the doorbell then ceremoniously let herself in. This was kind of a running joke between them as Abby is a little brash and likes to make a scene everywhere she goes. Abby came bearing a Papa Johns pizza and a twelve pack of Bud Light, her normal fee for crashing at the pad on the weekend. Abby was a bit of a trouble maker and was always known for randomly busting out drugs here and there especially when she wanted to get into his pants. He typically indulged with her just to be social in hopes that she would give it up, she was always better in bed high. Come to think of it he’d never had sex with her sober, ever. After the game Abby busted out some ecstasy laced with heroin and just like before they went at it. Hours went by as they had sex, but as the night went by he began feeling more and more depressed. Abby had all but passed out and wasn’t really making much sense so he left her alone to quietly sleep in his bed. All jokes aside he wasn’t a bad guy and refused to take advantage of a woman who was passed out no matter how much of a slut she was.

As the night went on he began to fall into a deep depression and began to have thoughts of suicide. Thoughts of his guilt highlighted that morning raced through his head and he couldn’t make the feelings of guilt stop. He began to think that the ecstasy he took was laced with something because he had experimented with many drugs in his youth and this really felt like perhaps acid or even PCP. Thoughts continued to blast his brain driving him out of control putting him into a drug induced depression as he raged throughout his three story condo. Eventually he found himself up stairs on the third floor sitting on the window sill somewhat calmed with his feet dangling over the ledge. For a second he laughed about the cliché signs of suicide people exhibit and how if only those “churches” where her to save him form himself how vindicated they would feel. Without hesitation he pushed away and began to slowly watch the driveway become his executioner. Everything was in slow motion and he began to have random thoughts that would normally take considerable time to process. For some reason this melodramatic ascend to the driveway kept getting slower and slower.   He began to think “man my driveway sure is dirty, didn’t know my car had that bad of an oil leak”.  Interestingly enough this fall kept taking longer and longer at which some point he stopped falling altogether, merely floating just feet above the drive way. At this point he began to consider he was actually dead and the drugs were just so top notch he was in a coma and already dead. He couldn’t help but remember the ordinary man in the church saying “we all have our time, don’t worry yours will come soon enough”. Floating above the driveway he began to accept his fate and felt like maybe he could fly away until the drugs wore off. Seems like a perfectly legit way to spend the last few hours of a drug induced suicide coma, right?

Absurd as it sounds he flew his way over to the local church to investigate his curiosity and new found enlightenment in his future death. The church was finishing up their evening service and to his surprise all of the women he had mentally molested over were slowly making their way out of the church. With a few stragglers left behind he took a seat in the very same spot he had previously that morning, he began to break down in tears. He figured this was the end to his lack luster drug induced suicide. Ending his life in the very place he felt so much guilt it was ironic in the most eternal sense. As he wept he felt a hand on his shoulder, the ordinary man had come for him. He then realized the man that stared him down in the bathroom was indeed death setting the stage to take him. At this time he felt no remorse for his subpar life and accepted that his fate was out of his control at this point. He was just happy that he could finally fly in what felt like an amazing dream come true ending in an epic twist of irony and self-loathing fate. Death then took him as he fell asleep in the pew, alone in the one place he despised and feared most of his adult life.

Interesting enough he laid there all night breathing shallow breaths while foaming out of the mouth from the drugs he clearly overdosed on the night before. As he came too, the ordinary man was sitting in the pew in front of him staring at the large godly cross hanging on the wall at the center of the sanctuary. The ordinary man whispered, as I said before, we all have our time, don’t worry yours will come soon enough, and in fact your time is clearly hear, follow me. In a drunken stupor he followed the ordinary man to the back of the church and up a flight of stairs to what appeared to be where the business portion of the church started and the religious portion ended. He felt like he had crossed over into a twisted Jesus episode of the twilight zone as he was still very unclear why and if he was still actually alive. He began to notice a few familiar faces, a few of them where the women he fantasied about the morning before. There were several formal offices cubicles set up where men and women in business suits intently studied the bible almost in a deciphering manner. Almost as if they were looking for some hidden text in the most heavily printed book of all time. He thought to himself really? I think someone would have found a hidden code or passage after a few hundred years but hey who am I to judge. I don’t even know if I’m alive or going through deaths processing center for suicides. Clearly this was a possibility as some of the women he noticed were in an emotional kind of pain similar to what he was feeling. Sure they were beautiful women but looked as if they had some hidden dirty sexual sin they were covering up in there Sundays best.

The ordinary man whom he still thought was death sat him down at a desk in a large room full of other men in suits who were intently studying the bible some even cutting out pages and putting them on a sort of “who done it” murder board. The room looked much like a police station scene out of a Law and Order episode but with a church décor and heavy sense of religious purpose. He began to have that heavy guilt and worry in his chest he experienced the morning before. At that time he knew he was truly alive but was stuck in the middle of what appeared to by a religious cult headquarters. He sat at the desk quietly and attempted to eavesdrop on conversations from the men around him. They all kept mentioning there is something missing and that it just didn’t make sense. After a few hours of listening to their rants he stood up and screamed “of course it doesn’t make sense, a bunch of regular people wrote it and who knows who actually put this cryptic crappy ass book together”. Everyone stared at him in disgust as appealing for him to leave. The ordinary man entered the room and the hustle and bustle continued as they were slaves still working on the clock. Even though he now knew the ordinary man wasn’t death there was still a very creepy feeling projecting from him. The kind of creepy you get when you think a person is a child molester but you can’t prove it type of feeling. The ordinary man told him that like many other people here, he was chosen to help decipher the good book to find its true meaning. The man said his life was spared by god the night before so that he could find his way to the church and find purpose and new beginning.

AT this point he was completely scared out of his fucking mind and desperately needed to figure out how to get out of the church.   He casually got up, pushed his chair in, and made his way to a door where stairs only led him higher up the church. The stair way seemed to get smaller much like an Alice and Wonder Land scene. He started to hear cries coming from a woman just around the corner not far away. As he reached the top of the stairs he saw two women sitting on the floor, both were amazingly beautiful but crying. He recognized one of the women from the morning service. He could vividly remember the guilty desire to fuck her during the service right in front of the entire congregation. For some reason she was topless and was trying to cover herself to keep from exposing her perfectly sculpted breasts. It appeared that the two women had been caught doing something only because their faces were riddled with guilt almost as if the gig was up and the whole church would find out their secret. Feeling sorry for them he gave her his jacket to cover up and attempted to console them even though he had no clue what they did to deserve that much shame. He asked them both to follow him because they needed to get the hell out of the church before they got wrapped back into whatever mess was conspiring in the floors below them. They reached a door way that led to the top of the church where there was a serene like patio. This patio was odd because there were no railings to keep people from falling off. Almost as if it were a place where witches were hurled from top of the church as religious sacrifice. Looking below he could see a garden with a spaded iron fence waiting to impale anyone who jumped or was pushed from the top of the church.

As the three of them stood on the top of the church contemplating how they were going to quietly escape the church the pastor that dammed the two girls emerged from the doorway with a look of fury on his face. By the look of shame on the girls face it is was clear to him that the two girls got busted making out in the loft stair well by the pastor. At that point he felt how much shame and guilt can come from one place? He began to get in the pastors face to defend the two women who he aggressively pursued. In the tussle with the cult pastor he was somehow pushed off of the church like a rag doll. Unlike his previous falling experience this happened much faster with little dynamic thought like before. He couldn’t even see the iron spade fence below him that would soon impale his spine and finish what he started the previous evening. He thought how unlucky could I be to fall from two roof tops in less than twelve hours’ time. Fortunately his final view would be the image of a sexy lesbian woman reaching out to catch him with her perfect tits just barley peeking out of the jacket he gave her.

Interestingly enough his fall was just like last nights and he never hit the fence. He just hovered over the ground as if is body was waiting to take flight. As he stared upwards in disbelief he saw a blur and a body cascade from the top of the church. At first glance he thought the pastor had begun tossing the women from the top of the building but as the body got closer he realized that the pastor was on the way down, one of the women must have pushed him. Luckily his decent put him clear form the iron fence and he decided to try and catch the falling pastor despite his new found hate for everything remotely tied to god. He jumped and began to take flight upward but before he was more than fifteen feet from the ground the pastor came crashing down in his arms pounding both of them into the ground. As he lay on the ground knocked out from the shear concussion he thought, I know that was more than a jump, whatever is happening to me is real I know I can fly. Much like his recent drug overdose his body was dead to the world, but his mind was wild and racing unable to control his limbs. All he could do was feel his body breathe as the paramedics took him to the hospital strapped onto a stretcher. The ambulance ride seemed like an eternity, he was riding with the pastor who was also knocked out by the fall. He could over hear the paramedics laughing about the situation and they mentioned that odd things always seemed to happen at the church. He was mentally wasted now and passed out in his own conciseness finally giving his thoughts a much needed rest.

The next morning he woke up in the ICU of the hospital, groggy, and disorientated from the cocktail of drugs pumping into his arm through an IV. The first thing he noticed was that he was handcuffed to the hospital bed with his legs and arms loosely bound. He was able to lift his head and noticed the busty church woman sitting in the room looking over him, still wearing his jacket with her voluptuous tits almost busting out. She walked over to his bed with a huge smile and introducer herself as Karen Westgate. She gave him a deep kiss and apologized for getting him wrapped up her problems at the church.  He heard a voice to his right and noticed the other woman from the roof top strapped to a bed. She’s practically breaking her neck to see him from over the rail on her bed and keeps repeating I saw you, I saw you, I know what you are. At this point he’s weirded out because for the first time he knows the last couple of days were in fact real and something is happening to him.   The girl continues to ramble and Karen says “I saw you too”, don’t worry something’s going on with her also, she’s changing. Dumbfounded he asks Karen what’s her name and how is she changing. Turns out her name is Liz and they are actually adopted sisters which adds to the increasingly erotic image of Karen having a lesbian encounter with her adopted sister Liz. Karen says that Liz tried to commit suicide a week ago but her father found her lying in a bloody bath tub and rushed her to the hospital. Liz has made other attempts to kill herself in the recent past, and for whatever reason she always seems to pull through each time with a little less sanity.   If things weren’t odd enough Karen mentions that the pastor he saved was their father and that that Liz was the one who pushed him off the roof in rage of his disapproval of their unholy love.

All of this information is too much to process for him at this point and he starts to nod off, he fights the urge similar to a person who took Ambien and tries to stay awake. This makes him hallucinate a little bit as he fights to find out more about what’s going on. He’s clearly interested in getting to the bottom of this chain of events but his mind is tired. Just before he falls asleep he looks over at Liz handcuffed to her bed in the most erotic fashion. She’s smirking in almost a sinister fashion and staring intensely at the cuffs keeping her in the bed, so intensely it looks like she can see right through them, the cuffs slowly open as his eyes get heavy and he passes out. Again he wakes up in a euphoric state but something is very different this time his dick is hard and he feels a cooling breeze from the cold hospital room to his surprise Karen has her hand down his pants teasing him with her breasts just begging to be freed from his once innocent jacket. He’s not really sure what’s going on at this point but like most men he’s not going to stop a hot woman from taking care of business, no matter how odd the scenario is. She unbuttons his jacket and begins to wrap her lips around him and finishes him off in the utmost erotic fashion. At this point he feels like he’s died and gone to heaven but very curious as to why she felt the need to wake him up with an amazing blowjob. Regardless he plays like he’s groggy to avoid the awkwardness associated with the common silence one feels when getting an epic blowjob while strapped to a hospital bed by a total stranger. Hell he’s almost died twice in the last few days and got a blowjob from a dirty sister lesbian, what more could the average guy ask for right? After a few minutes of awkward silence he finds himself staring at both Karen and Liz intensely as they hover over his hospital bed. Liz seems slightly psychotic in her gaze and keeps repeating, do it break the cuff. Laughing in disbelief he lifts his left wrist and easily snaps the handcuff from the hospital bed. Then I wake up.