I have had a whirlwind of a week, and to be fair i still dont quite know what is going on. I have tried to kill myself twice in the matter of three days, taken to hospital, released the next day, then the next i tried again, again unsuccessful but the psychiatrists at the hospital deemed me to “just be having a bad week”, bad is nothing and such a understatement.
My partner broke up with me and thats when my first suicide attempt occured, the next day. He went in the ambulance with me and stayed by my bed all night, when i was discharged the next day, i slept most of it and he was in the room watching TV, the day after he again asked me to pack and leave (we agreed that the flat would be his because we moved to his family city), i crashed again and when he left to go to work i took the second overdose.
This is when my parents stepped in and took me cross country back to the family home where i now feel like i have lost all independance. I am 25 years old and lived with my boyfriend of two years and our pets, i had a full time job and with all the minor arguments our relationship wasnt perfect but it wasnt anything to give up on, ask me to leave and basically sell all our stuff and go into financial crisis. I havent lived at home in over 7 years.
My job was quit for me by my mother, i couldnt return to the home i shared with my partner, and he still does not want anything to do with me, not even to talk to me, my stuff has been packed for me and is due to leave my flat and arrive at my parents next week. I have been blocked on everything and therefore cannot contact my ex who has changed practically overnight from the loving caring person he was into someone that i cannot even reason with.
When something breaks you try to fix it, not throw it out and break it.
I never thought i would do anything to myself, and the fact i got the courage to is something i never thought. I hope i would never do it again, but i feel like ive lost a huge chunk of me, we were each others best friends too, life was fine a week ago, why has everything been taken away from me so quickly, so harshly. I love him to pieces and he was my soul mate. I actually cannot see my life without him, i cannot see living at my parents house, and i cant see starting a new job, finding a new place to live and setting up my life, again, at the age of 25.
People say that i will get over the heartache, but its more than heartache i feel my soul being ripped out of me. He balanced me out, and i enjoyed my life. I have no friends here, and no support, i just have my parents who dont understand and walk on egg shells around me.I have no one anymore. Life does not make sense. It has no purpose. Love kills. I wish he would stop the move and take me back, i wish he would fight for what we once were. But wishes dont come true. and life is brutal.