Dead instead

When I was very much younger I used to hope that there was a God or superior being. I thought why are we subjected to suffering, pain and loss just to die and end up worm food. So I would hope that there was a heaven or after life. I liked the idea of being a spirit and making sure the ones I loved were safe and making the right choices.

I used to believe that we were already in hell. This was hell, being alive and suffering as man with no sign of respite, that was hell and after decades of living through this, we would be rewarded with eternal existence as a spirit, able to assist those we left behind.

Now I’m an atheist and have been for many years. I don’t be live in god or Satan, heaven or hell. I try to live my life like a dog. Spontaneous and adventurous. Doesn’t always work that way, but I try. I don’t let other people and I try my best to not let my anxiety and paranoia stop me from living my life. That definitely doesn’t always work.

There’s so few things that an adult can get excited over or really look forward to. Christmas, Easter, Birthdays, they don’t have that same majesty they had when we were young. Saying that, we need to find and discover anything that can spark the smallest flame inside us.

For me its surfing, guitar, working on cars, talking shit at the pub, introducing others to new music, camping. I try and include something new every day or week or so. It helps make life interesting and it occupies my time, stopping those dark thoughts from seeping through, but Valium and lithium helps too.

Hope you can take anything from this.

All the best.