I Wish Myself Peace

Mom had decided to divorce dad right after my sister was born. Didn’t do it, went back and had me, that’s when the fights began. Okay, decided to enter schizophrenia and Dad was too desperate to see the future believing life was so much fun. At 27, with a painless method at hand, I realise they are both being held by their children from dying. So we never had parents. I feel like I’m holding them alive at gunpoint, not fair, since they’re vehemently against it, they don’t even want me to earn, although my not having a job adds to it. So since my sister wants to play “let’s ignore reality”, and have her kid and hubby for a supposed happily ever after, I’m okay, but it doesn’t change that at home, I’m still the one holding up the suicide watch. I don’t want to do it, it will not solve their problem, and I already lost my whole life being a suicide watchman to my “protectors” and “providers”. Selfish? Yes, exactly, that’s the best explanation of the scenario, it’s like keeping slaves on suicide watch, except, they’re not slaves, they’re parents, in the only way that I was conceived from them. Other than that, the roles are outrageous and immoral. Avoidance isn’t the solution, dear sister, it should start from me, the watchman, the most hated, I don’t want to start over, nobody cares and I hate you all, as the anger subsides, I shall get my chance.