Im currently 17 years old. Almost 3 years ago, i was involved in a fatal car crash with my 3 best friends whom i loved more than my own family. i grew up with them and spent every chance possible with them from the time i was born until that fateful night. I feel as if its my fault. We always agreed on doing things before we did them. Its like we were all one person. We were as close as you could possibly get to someone. I got a text message inviting me to a party. I brought the party up to them and we all agreed to go. It wasnt even 5 miles away. On our way we were hit head on by a drunk driver speeding at a rate of about 80mph and our car was rolled several times and thrown off the road until we hit a nearby tree. I was the only one to survive the car crash as i was the farthest away from the point of impact. I saw things that night that have haunted me to my core. I saw my best friend laying face down on the road 25ft from where we were hit. He didnt wear his seat belt. The driver died on impact and the one sitting next to me died on an operating table. Ever since then i have tried to find a source of happiness. To find a reason to live. I have had no success. At this point its one of those times where im crying for help. Crying for anybody. My father was abusive for several years. Beat the hell out of me on a daily basis. Treated me horribly and when i told him of my future plans for the Military. He told me he hoped i would die because i was stupid enough to go overseas. It only gets worse and worse in this horrible life. Ive wanted a way out for a long time. I think about it daily. I cut almost daily and still doesnt help. Im crying out for help and nobody has listened to me. I have no love for life and im thinking heavily upon the topic. This is the aftermath of the night that ruined my life for good. 
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I am so sorry for your loss and the situation that took your friends and your joy for life. ((((hug))))
So horrible to think about- to go through that -unbelievable. I am sorry your father is not supportive. :-[ I can’t believe he would act this way. Well, yes I can but it is not fair to you. You deserve better.
You have yourself. I know this doesn’t feel enough at times. I’ve been on my own emotionally all my life. You have to be there for you. Listen to your pain. Reach out to find support. Keep searching. Never give up. Ever. YOU are too important. Fight for you.
Again, I am sorry about the loss of your friends. I never had close friends until I was an adult. To lose them was like losing a essential part of you. Grief takes a long time. I lost a close friend from HS- after HS I got in contact with her and I could tell her anything. But I haven’t heard from her in 5 years and she lived in another country- I am thinking she has died since she would not stop contacting me at all. Makes me sad not to know where she is, if she is dead or alive. It hurts.
Your hurt is painful and you have to allow that. You have to listen to this pain too. You have to accept the pain is there and learn to deal with this loss. Maybe this doesn’t mean anything to you- if not, ignore what doesn’t help you. Maybe today you can’t imagine coming to terms with this pain. I get that too. Keep trying.
Just want you to know I care. You are young but have lived a huge event that may make you lose the young-essence. Make your way back to your life. Find things that make you happy. Little things- big things. Just search and take better care of you along the way.
Write me if you wish. Getting things off your chest can help. Even if it is for a moment.
Take great care of you.
I appreciate you reading my story and taking the time to write that. i left out several key details mostly of my dad etc. he is a shitty person, im sorry about your friend btw. everyone needs a great friend. i have tried to get over this pain for a while now. i went close to 6 months right after without speaking to anyone.. not my mom. not my friends. nobody.. i have a small case of PTSD because of my wreck. i wake up some nights screaming because i have nightmares (replaying the memories in my sleep) and it just frightens me to the point of tears. im really grateful for you caring even though you dont know me.. that is truly amazing
Have you seen a psychiatrist? When something this big and stressful on your life happens, it can be very hard to get through it, and the only thing that will do that is time.
I have family members who have gone on antidepressants for a period of time following the loss of a friend, maybe a doctor can give you some medicine to help you get through this rough patch?
i have seen a psychiatrist.. anti depressants dont really work for me. sadly never has.. i resolve to music and/or self harm.. kinda sad to say that but its true
Hello @walking.corpse … I was once lost too, I hope you’ll find the reasons soon.. Life with regret is so painful, but chances there are so much awesome things waiting for you ahead. You’ve given another chance in this life, I hope you’ll make your best out of it. You’re still young, embrace your life.Make those moment of loss and grievance become your base of strength to face your future since experience doesn’t come by itself. There’s always a silver lining behind everything.
I feel sorry for your dad *^* just forgive him and continue fighting dear <3
Search for some new positive activities, enjoy yourself, take care of yourself, love yourself and eventually you'll find reasons to live or to make someone happy. Sometimes it's simple..
It's not easy but it's worth trying… ^^/
… SORRY my english isn't appropriate since it's my third language.
thank you. it is really rough. not to be rude at all.. dont want that at all. but i have no sympathy for my father. he uh left my life when i was 2 for drugs. has beaten me many times. after my wreck wouldnt help me with anything. i.e going to the bathroom (i couldnt walk. i had broken femur and fractured hip) he told me if i wanted it bad enough i would find a way.. i appreciate you telling me about yourself though. thank you for reading my story. im glad you found the light. but i just can’t see myself anywhere in the next few years.. dont see any happiness coming my way… its been this way for almost 3 years now… each day is a struggle and i just cant find any reasons
don’t find. make.
Your mission – should you choose to accept it … is to LIVE! And not just for you, but live for ALL your lost mates. Try to live their dreams (yours included). The wreck – which was NOT your fault – did NOT “ruin” your life – it CHANGED it. Fuck your dad and anyone else that has nothing positive to offer you. If the military is what you want then YOU do what YOU want. No one else has to agree or even like your choice – you do and that’s the ONLY person you have to please.
People make mistakes in life – like the drunk driver. he/she has to pay the consequences – but although that event happened TO you, it does NOT need to DEFINE you and become you. You are STILL you and you still have the chance to do all the things you hoped and dreamed … I agree with inspiredsky that you MAKE your own reasons and purposes.
As the old commercial says – just do it. A random event happened to random people … you got the opportunity to continue your story … you can either live the rest of your life in the shadow of that event, or you can choose to write several more chapters to this story to which this event becomes just one part of. Time for you to finally walk away from this accident scene. The crash is over and what happened happened – it’s tragic to be sure – but it is done, unless you choose to continue to keep living it – do yourself a favor and don’t do that – learn from it and go forward – become that person you always told your mates you’d be.
2nd chance dawg
hey @Dawgthats not too bad of an idea.. living out all of our dreams……. we all shared the same dreams for the most part… we had the wildest fantasies as younger children… even though we were all piss poor we came up with the wildest dreams…. thank you. im gonna look into your advice… and my dad. you’re right. fuck him. he is a shitty father and hasnt ever been there for me. only made everything so much worse. i like your advice though.. its got alot of depth and meaning… thank you.
You’re welcome – just stay positive and focused on those dreams. Life will get complicated and it will derail you – but anytime you feel listless and/or stuck in a rut – think back to those dreams of you and your mates, gather your bearings and start anew. Don’t get mired in survivor’s guilt … shit happens, you WERE a victim – blameless – but do NOT REMAIN a victim, under any circumstances. That terrible moment is gone, over, done and you now know all too well how fragile life can be, so don’t waste a moment of energy on negativity, and certainly don’t let crappy people like your dad suck the life out of you.
You got this. Rock it.
zen dawg
the world needs more people like you man. you’re a great person. dont know if you’ve thought about it. but you should definitely look into becoming a counselor or psychiatrist for suicidal/emotionally distressed people…. you could help alot of people
Something I’d like to note here: You didn’t get behind the wheel of a car while drunk. It. Was. Not. Your. Fault.
I feel really bad for you. That is a terrible thing to have happen to you. Do you think maybe you can find some of that person you were before the crash: the happy, part-of-a-close-knit-group-of-friends, generous (inviting them along to the party, which has NOTHING to do with what happened on the way there) person?
I struggle myself with finding hope and such, but maybe you can do better than me 🙂
Hugs.
i highly doubt i will be the person i was before… that night changed me in ways that are too severe and traumatic to revert to.. i wish i could though.. it was nice being happy and not having a single care in the world… but im gonna fight.. gonna regain control of my life.. gonna get out of this hole.. i need to.