I’ve been suffering from the disease of depression for a while- my brother had it, my mom had it, and now I have it. More than once have I contemplated my suicide- I’m worthless, unattractive, stupid, mean, unloved, and pathetic. However, I have tried and tried and tried to look for ways to do it and I always come up without an answer. Clearly for me, the best way to go is consumption of pills- there are plenty of those in my house. However, I have heard of liver failures and such, and I’m so afraid that dying will be painful. I don’t want to go painfully, I want to go quietly. I’ve been stuck for so long on ways to do it that every night when I can’t bring myself to down the bottle beside my bed, I sit down and add 20 new cuts to myself- its all that I can do to punish myself.
I just don’t know
2 comments
Please do not try and do an overdose, they’re very painful. I will never encourage someone to attempt suicide, and that goes double for something that will only bring pain and more sadness. I am also struggling with thoughts of worthlessness and looking for ways to hurt and punish myself, and it pains me to see another person struggle with the same agony. I’ve been cutting a lot lately so I’m right there with you, but I challenge you to try not to cut for the next month. I challenge you to spend that month trying to find something that makes you feel more meaning out of life and makes you happy. Nobody should ever have to suffer, and I am truly sorry to hear that you are suffering. I hope you accept my challenges and find some kind of happiness.
Its pretty hard to OD on pills these days.