I did not want to get to this point. I have tried many things to avoid getting to this place. I had a rough childhood, my family is messed up(I do not feel like getting into detail). Despite my best efforts, my life is not working out. I cannot tell people who are close to me about how deeply troubled I am, I do not want to burden or freak them out. I used to believe in God and new beginnings and that if a person truly did their best things would work out. I am not sure about all that now. I tried reaching out, but all I got was judgement from these self righteous Christians which is why I do not go to church. Some online Christian counselor told me that I am sinful and I do not believe in God and that was the reason I was going through all these problems, she does not even know me!!!
I feel hopeless and I think of suicide almost regularly now. I research ways to do it and people who succeeded. I feel like I will not see the end of this year.
6 comments
In the bible itveven says God will test us through the devil and Satan the councillor obviously isvabwashed up homeless backwash of a turd.
Sorry of my mobile spelling. If you believe in god which I’m not a preacher for he tests us even through evil
I read your post with great interest. I’m in the same boat as you, for my own reasons. I, too, believed in God. I guess part of me still does. But part of me feels abandoned by Him.
Like you, I was more of a believer and not much of a church goer. It annoyed me to be around people like that. They seem so fake to me. It’s like they want to be seen as good church people, rather than be good church people.
Anyway, for the first 41 1/2 years of my life, I did feel God’s presence around me. I felt like when I was in need, God found a way to help me. Never directly, no miracles or anything like that. But, God found a way to assist me in critical times.
Then as soon as 2015 started, God took a vacation. I stopped feeling His presence. I started to feel alone. No help anymore. It is an empty feeling when you don’t feel God anymore. I still pray but I get nothing back.
To make matters worse, the man that replaced me in my ex-fiancée’s life is an atheist. And God still didn’t help me. I find that very disconcerting.
And now I’m left with nothing but severe major depression and constant suicidal thoughts. I had planned to do it last night, but backed out. Second time in the last 2 weeks. This is my future, I guess. Try until I succeed.
That is how I feel, abandoned. It really sucks when you try to be a good person and bad people just ruin your life and get away with it. Sorry.
Thrust me they do not get away with it. There life is more miserable then “just” people who feel real suffering. They lost all contact with them self by trauma reaction they force all feeling out and follow external fake beauty as tv & society tells them.
I at the moment feel so bad had a rough life without love until in 1999 when i found my only peace and love. She died recently i wish we died together but it is not so i have to go on despite how hard and cruel it is.
God does not test/play people real life is a brew of pleasure and pain. One does not exist without the other.
Please try to find happiness you can do it.
I do not want to be tested anymore. I had a rough childhood and my family is not getting better. I am temporarily happy but I always return to this reality. If God tests us why does he not test us all equally?