For a while now I fight with myself and his voice. The voice that says I love you in one breathe and “whats the survival rate of melanoma” the next. Your such a great mom to our daughters but I’m gonna go ahead and keep them from you because I’m an a hole and I can. For years I have felt the only way to get away truly from this man is to die. The thought doesn’t even phase me because I know how real my feelings are and the truth it holds. Either live a living hell every day with this man telling me how I’m a whore, a horrible person, a bad mom, a loser…. make me feel like my children are better off with me dead than alive. I believe you Charles. Or… i can just die. No fighting. My girls live in peace. Its all i care about is them not having to listen to him daily badmouth me. Uuuugh. Get his voice out of my head!!
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Sending you love. I’m sorry you have to deal with this douche, who clearly doesn’t deserve to be anywhere near you or your kids. Sending you strength although, since you’ve survived thus far it sounds like you have an abundance.
I appreciate that. Thank you. Im still sticking to my d day tomorrow. It just feels right. Maybe when Im gone he will stop playing with the vinegar and water so much and realize his words mean so much when they are spoken to people who love/d you.
Praying for you. I’m so sorry you are going through this. He does not deserve you or your children.
My two cents… Get out of that relationship, its killing you and probably doing damage to your kids. I realize this is probably ill timed advice… But do you really want to leave your children with him? The man you paint sounds abusive. I’m pulling for you, whatever you do.
It never takes courage to leave someone.
It takes love.
I have left him. The girls had to stay because i had no where to go. I had a light switch the fire in my ass last night and decided to drive back to my own town instead of killing myself in another. Seeing one of my daughters now at the school. Talk about good therapy for the soul. She was excited to sse me. Yay!!
There are few things better in life than when someone is excited to see you. 🙂
I bet that took a lot of inner strength. There are people in my life who are still in an abusive relationship “for the kids”. Who don’t have the love or the strength to leave. Sad thing is, how damaging it all has been on their kids.
Keep us updated, were all rooting for ya!
Hey yes, fortunately I know I deserve better than what that douche has to offer. Unfortunately he has the girls. The first night I was back, it was hard. I couldn’t help but feel like I wasnt supposed to be here. I fought with it for quite a few hours. I finally just went to sleep. I didnt wanna be alone but didnt have anyone to stay or visit. Someone to cuddle might have made being alone and an emotional basketcase more tolerable. Thanks for listening
I wish I could say sleeping alone gets better, but it doesn’t. But you adapt. Take this time to work on yourself. This is your time!
My parents decided to foster children when I was around 10. They ended up adopting 4 of the kids they fostered. They are all doing really good, much better than they would have been with their biological parent(s). My point is there are some real genuine caring people out there.
Take care of yourself, get your feet on the ground. Fight one battle at a time. I wish I had something more concrete to offer than this sentiment… I hope you read and comment on the others on this site who are going through similar situations (jennjenn comes to mind, but there are many others). I would wager you have much more to offer each other than I possible can.
Your friend,