Bout done

Well it appears this is the only place I have to talk about this.  I have no one that understands what its like.  I cant tell anyone from the proffesional field because they will just lock me up till I tell them Im all better.  Has happened before.   I cant take it anymore.  Ive lost everything I possessed and everyone i loved.  The one person left in my life that I truly truly love doesnt know it and never will.  No matter anyway.  i was content with having her as my friend but now she is not even that.  I dont even register on radar with her.  It really hurts when someone you care about as much as I care about her doesnt think you are even worth the time of day.  I lost my children to my x and they really dont seem to mind me gone.    My biggest goal in life was to be a father.   And now it is my greatest fail.   I fucked my head up with drugs and now I cant even make friends.  Iam so lonely it hurts.  I wake and fall asleep with a hole in my chest.  I live with some truly fine people and I will not hurt them by doing anything at there home to disrespect them.  I will soon have my own apt.  People tend to forget me quickly so I will be out of site and out of mind fast.  I will then dissapear.  Ive tried the God thing, but dont buy it.  There is no afterlife.  I know I wont feel anything because there will be nothing.  I can “live”  (haha) with.  At least I wont hurt anymore.