Well it appears this is the only place I have to talk about this. I have no one that understands what its like. I cant tell anyone from the proffesional field because they will just lock me up till I tell them Im all better. Has happened before. I cant take it anymore. Ive lost everything I possessed and everyone i loved. The one person left in my life that I truly truly love doesnt know it and never will. No matter anyway. i was content with having her as my friend but now she is not even that. I dont even register on radar with her. It really hurts when someone you care about as much as I care about her doesnt think you are even worth the time of day. I lost my children to my x and they really dont seem to mind me gone. My biggest goal in life was to be a father. And now it is my greatest fail. I fucked my head up with drugs and now I cant even make friends. Iam so lonely it hurts. I wake and fall asleep with a hole in my chest. I live with some truly fine people and I will not hurt them by doing anything at there home to disrespect them. I will soon have my own apt. People tend to forget me quickly so I will be out of site and out of mind fast. I will then dissapear. Ive tried the God thing, but dont buy it. There is no afterlife. I know I wont feel anything because there will be nothing. I can “live” (haha) with. At least I wont hurt anymore.