I don’t know what I’ve done to be exiled by all of my friends. I’ve been home a week. I haven’t been home in my house over 24 hours straight in a few years, I’m always out doing stuff with them. This is the third time this has happened in the last 10 fucking days I’ve been home. My best friend straight up ditches me day after day and then tries to blame it on me, making up stupid validations or excuses, and somehow I’m the one at fault. My other friend begs me to hang out with her because she’s bored, yet never calls me back or answers my text because she hangs out with my best friend as soon as she got off work today, why bother with her “back up plan” of hanging out with me? My other friend never feels like picking me up since my license is still revoked for the next 21 days, but he’d always come pick my best friend up when she didn’t have gas. Is my DUI the worst thing I could have done, considering I wanted to go back to my dorm after I was cheated on and felt unwelcomed, and didn’t want to spend the night at his house anymore? This friend got caught with MDMA in his car and is also facing probation. My other friend at least hits me up to hang out after they finish dinner, but it’s been 3 hours and she’s liked my instagram picture I posted earlier in the day, yet hasn’t responded to my text asking if she finished dinner yet. My ex clearly used me to have a place to stay after his hotel got cancelled when he drove 5 hours to NYC to go to EDC, didn’t even want to come see me when I went down to where we go to school and he lives for court a few days after he stayed at my house. I explained to him why I was so hurt over everything and spiteful, and it makes sense in my eyes, but maybe he didn’t care enough in the first place. My other best friend who went to prom with me just a year ago, still hasn’t seen me since I’ve been back, nor does he really know anything about my DUI because I haven’t told him. He’s denied each time I tried to hang out with him, which I blame on him having a really bad comedown on MDMA that lasted 5 days, but now that he’s better, he still hasn’t hit me up.
I’m stopping my medications cold turkey and will figure out a way to fatally end it, no “attempting” bullshit. All or nothing. I don’t have the energy or willpower to explain more than I have in this post.