In conversation, I constantly have to guess what emotion I’m supposed to feel, then try to act it out as best I can. I’m very afraid of being discovered in my callousness and indifference. When something bad happens, it’s scary to think that someone might find out how little I feel for others in their misfortune. Joy, of course, is completely absent.
When others are feeling emotion it seems like a curious and alien thing to me now. It’s like watching someone perform a physical feat of strength that I’ll never be able to do. I used to feel emotion in a normal way, but I can’t even remember what it’s like now. Anyone else going through this? I keep hoping it might be cured by sleep, but it’s possible I’m just a broken machine.
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It sounds like a classic case of autism. I have no idea how effective treatment is (I suppose it depends on your age?) But maybe just knowing will help you find something.
You say you ‘used’ to? Are you on any meds? Depressed?
Depressed and hardly getting any sleep at all. I’ve been seeing doctors therapists for over decade and a half, and never has autism been suggested. I don’t know much about it, but I don’t feel I fit the profile of those who have autism. I used to be a very empathetic person… it’s just the past few years my mind and emotions have been devastated into nothing.
Well it sounded like autism until I hit the ‘used’ to part. It’s not really autism methinks unless it’s from a young age.
Do you feel emotion in private? Anger? Do you smile or frown? The physical and mental links between the two seem to be inextricably connected. (I’ve seen interesting reports on the diminishment of emotion with those who have had botox)
There are some emotions that I’m not sure what they feel like anymore. Take “being happy”. I laugh and smile sure. But thats not what I mean. I guess, I don’t really remember what it was like. When I try to describe it, it never comes out quite right. I remember being happy, only… I don’t. haha
Either way, that sound shitty.
I love emotion and hate them too
I’m waitin moderation not sure why
Wonder if you have been on meds? That can flatten emotion.
but even worse is sleep deprivation – that can take away emotion or muddle emotions.
I do hope you get some rest