ive never needed someone to give me the will to survive… until 5 years ago. Ever since then its been so hard to stay alive. How do you go on when every morning you wake up wishing you didnt….. how do you make yourself want to be alive. 5 years…. 5 long, painful, slow years. I go through so many struggles and i dont know how many more i can take. When i was around 4 or 5 my brother used to make me get undressed and he would touch me, in a way no child should have to be subjected to. Then, when i was about 12 he got very sick… he was in the hospital for months and he almost died….. and guess who found him unconscious on the floor….me. I have never told my parents what he did to me because quite frankly i dont think theyll believe me. In between my childhood and where i am now, ive been molested over 15 times….. not all by the same boy. Not just my brother…. boyfriends i chose to see and even boys i had no idea about….. why is it that it wont stop? Stop… what a funny word. It never really means anything. I try and i try and i try to be a good person and care for others and stand up for what i believe in but im always wrong. ANd i cant do it anymore. 5 years of wanting to die…. 5 years of wishing god would take me….. 5 years and counting. But, its come to the point where the 5 years need to end… and they need to end today. I need help…. i need a life line….. i need a reason to continue breathing.