What is wrong with me?

Every day I wake up, dreading everything and anything that could happen during the day. I get to school. Everything’s fine. Walk down the hall my friends wait for the bell in and sit with them. Just fine. They start talking with each other, leaving me to my thoughts, and suddenly everything around me goes quiet. It’s like a little island. Just me. Reaching out for someone to notice the little, nerdy, fat girl who just wants to be loved. Then the bell rings and everything is fine. My friends call me to walk with them to class and we joke around as if nothing has happened. Moments like this will occur throughout the day. Especially when it comes to my best friends. One is a guy, one is a chick. The chick is going out with the guy’s best friend. Ever since that happened, my best friends have become best friends. Often leaving me out of the loop and insisting “I wouldn’t understand” when I try and input myself into their conversation. This is when I feel the lonliest. I feel as if I am nothing. Less than nothing. I am a burden and a bother and don’t deserve to exist in this world. These feelings come and go. When they become bad enough, I look at the bottle of sleeping pills that are ever in my medicine cabinet and wonder “Why not? I love eating so much…what would it be to just swallow all of them?” It hurts. The pain hurts. And I just want it to go away. What is wrong with me?