I’m tired of my life and don’t want to live any more. I used to be very much afraid that others might think I’m weird or stupid. That kept me from trying new things because I did not know how to behave in unknown situations. So my life is pretty much the same and very boring.
I tried killing myself but wasn’t able to give myself that little last push to actually do it. What I’m wondering now is, why I’m still not able to do the things I want. I mean I have no reason to be afraid of any consequences. I will die anyway. I don’t even want to do much. I want to travel to Asia. I could spend all my money on a plane ticket and life there for a while and when the money runs out jump from a building in Tokyo. That would be awesome. Instead I try to hang myself in my apartment.
I would like to talk to pretty girls I see in the street. I don’t even expect anything from them. Just want to say hi. Why is that so hard? I don’t know. All I know is it sucks to be me.