I want to die, now or tomorow I don’t really care when but as soon as possible, please.
I’ve wanted this for so long now… but i just cant bring myself to do it. I’ve planned it out, and it seems so simple and quick, but i just cant do it. I want to die…but at the same time I don’t. I still have things I wanna have the opportunity to accomplish. However some of these things will take a really long time to do, and i just don’t want to wait because meanwhile I’ll just feel sadness and pain… I don’t want those feelings anymore.
What would be perfect is for me to get murdered or get some type of disease that has no cure, ya know, something i can’t stop from happening.
I wanna die… but I don’t….
….I don’t even know anymore…
3 comments
So many of us feel this way, which is why we are all still here and not in the ground or being burned to ashes. It’s very hard when you still have hope but your mind is tearing you apart. The real you is the one with hope, the depression is the demon you need to exorcise.
On another morbid note, it seems easy nowadays to get murdered than it is to get an incurable disease. Isn’t that awful? The world we live in is so strange.
I can only hope that that small bit of hope you have will defeat the depression and pain inside you. Having dreams you want to accomplish is amazing.
I agree with hiohneh. The real you is the one saying that you still have a reason here. That you have things to accomplish. And the depression is the one tugging you the other way. The depression is the one telling you that you want to die. But I promise you, you have so much to life for. Maybe you can do things to keep your mind off of it. I know I do crafty things when I get depressed and suicidal. I make bracelets with paracord or those friendship bracelets. Or I draw with soft pastels (I’m a sucky at drawing…but somehow they turn out looking good!) I hope this helps though. If you want to talk privately, let me know. I’m going through the same thing right now.
Can’t say I agree with the previous posts about the one “real side” not wanting to die and the non-real side of you the one that does want to die. Both are you. You have to decide whether you want to find something to live for, or not. You may be able to do that, or not. Whether you act on the decision to die is entirely your decision, and entirely legitimate to come to. Whether you will follow through and end your life is, again, your decision. What makes a life fulfilling or worthwhile is something you must decide. And you may or may not “have so much to live for.”
There’s no reason to simply believe that there is anything to live for. That is something you must choose; that is, you have to decide whether you have something to live for or not. No one can make that decision for you, and no amount of fame, money, power, friends, family or other thing can decide for you. If your life isn’t worth living, it isn’t. If it is, it is. In some cases, good drugs, good counselling, the passage of time, removing yourself from poor living situations, or other things can help you decide that now your life is worth it. Maybe it will be, but also, it may not.
You must decide, for yourself, what is worth living for? You may find that various things give you a temporary distraction–falling in love, having a family, getting a degree, finding a great job–and years may go by with only intermittent periods of depression (or none, if the drugs work), loneliness or despair. Or you may do all those things feeling despairing the whole time, and hiding it. Who knows? Only you do.
I suppose one could argue to not act hastily. After all, it’s an act hard to undo, and, if botched, could leave you really wishing to end things, but unable to do so. That scenario could be far worse than the one you’re in.
Best of luck with your decision.