I am such trash. I just got out of a treatment center for the 7th time for my anorexia and you know what’s changed? Fuck nothing. In fact, I want to end my life now more than I have in then before I went. I am fine during the day because I have things to distract me but once I am alone, the creeping reality sets back in.
I am never going to get better. I took this treatment more seriously then I ever have in the past, was completely open and honest, and tried harder than ever before. But nothing has changed. I STILL want to end my life. I still feel totally hopeless. I still hate food. Not a thing has changed and now that I have tried my hardest, I really don’t see any options left. This was my last hope for change. The last hope I had to move forward and finally be free of my chains. But of course, like everything else, I failed.
1 comment
You are not trash. At least not in the sense that you are useless. I guess we all turn to trash one day, when people are done using us and just throw us to the curb. Some of us sooner than others. But that’s ok. Because when you’re trash you at least know that you’ve served some kind of purpose. If you didn’t nobody would even bother throwing you away. But hey, just because treatment didn’t work doesn’t mean that you failed. This wasn’t your last chance. Because as long as you are still alive, you get more chances. As long as you’re still alive, you’re still in this game. This cruel, unforgiving game. Now go beat the shit out of it.