It’s ironic, really. I helped people for most of my life, be it in person or on the web, trying to get them to rethink their life choices, telling them it’s all right, and that suicide isn’t the answer. I guess now I know how they felt when the foot is on the other shoe. I truly am weak, pathetic, and stupid, and I have just proved them right.
I will be ending it shortly tomorrow. I have made letters stating my amends with all individuals I have wronged in my life and a goodbye letter to my love. My worldly possessions will be given away to those who I remembered standing by me during my darkest hour; I will not allow unauthorized individuals to come into my life and take what I did not give them. I cannot live another day with my condition, for the combined guilt, stress, emptiness, loathing, and insanity has drove me to this point here, today.
I love everyone, I’m sorry for everyone I ever hurt, I’m sorry it came to this, but this was the least destructive way I thought I could go out by.
Thank you for listening. I will have a hard copy of something similar to this on my person.
M
3 comments
Hi M,
I came upon your post by accident… I too am alone July 4th and was googling so as not to feel so alone. I had to break up with someone who I thought was my best friend the other day. In fact I had planned to spend tonight with him but instead I’m alone… Like you. It hurts, and from reading your post I can empathize with just how much you must be hurting too.
From your post I can understand that you are a strong and intelligent person. That you are kind and compassionate. Perhaps someone or many people took advantage of you or let you down because you are kind and good… But that doesn’t make you weak. Feeling hurt because you are a sensitive person doesn’t make you weak. It makes you very special. If only there were more people like you in the world who knows how it feels to be emotionally stabbed in the heart… Then perhaps we would all be kinder and more merciful to eachother. I beg you not to take your life tomorrow… Nor the next day nor the day after that. You have so much to offer the world. I know that right now you have convinced yourself that suicide is the only way out and that as you say, it’s the least destructive way… But I contend that suicide is the most destructive way. If you don’t choose to live for yourself tonight, then choose it for those that love you… Even if they have hurt you. Your suicide will bring them immense guilt and close the door to any possible reconciliation. If you can’t keep yourself alive for them… Stay alive in honor of the people you helped bring back from the brink. Were the kind words you gave them meaningless gifts? No. They were a part of your belief system and I think they still are.
Everyone goes through crap… Its part of life… Sometimes it’s a crappy day, sometimes its a crappy week or a crappy month… And sometimes it’s even a shitty year… But it passes and then you get the ups.. You can’t feel or know what the ups are without the downs… That’s human nature. We wouldn’t know hot if we didn’t know cold etc.
So please tonight I beg of you keep yourself alive let tomorrow come and pass even if it’s a shitty day. Even if you’re having a crappy month or year… This too shall pass. Give time a chance. The same way the universe brought me to your post is the same way the universe has greater things in store for you.
I may not know you but I love your soul. It is worth keeping here on this earth. I beg you to reconsider.
I’m so sorry – may you find peace 🙁
Im so sorry too.. I hope you get the peace you deserve.