I think there was a similar post on here but I thought I’d post again to see perhaps different insight.
Is there anyway to make it easier for the people that you leave behind? I have struggled many years adjusting from an existence of isolation…. I’m nearing the end and have thought of ways to make it easier. I have dropped hints and have asked the question to someone who I hold dear ” Would you be okay [go on with life] without me?”. I have spoken with my sister stating that I simply don’t know how long I’ll be around. I am in the process of getting rid of stuff that I own… I don’t think people that are helping me do this realise what the reasoning is for it. The fact of the matter is that I have had nothing but difficulties adjusting from my youth. …
Aside from making my will, eliminating my possessions, and the hints that I’ve dropped, I can’t think of anything else that I can do. I definitely don’t want to hurt the people who have tried to help me but simply put, there are some things (me) that cannot be fixed. It isn’t to say that I haven’t tried…. I’ve tried for over 15 years; I’m 34 and wanted to die since my approximate age of 16 (I remember breaking down in the shower many occasions for starters). I kept setting little milestones like I’ll go at my age 19, my age 25, 29, 30,… the milestones have gotten shorter and shorter.
Any ideas on how to make things easier aside from what I’ve covered?
3 comments
Might have wrote your post myself, and i walked that same path in the last years (leading to isolation). Funniest thing is that we even have the same age (33 here), and i’ve been thinking about ending it for quite some time as well (i remember claiming i would die before 35 when i was 7-8, so i guess i still have time, heh).
I remember that i wrote on the earlier post that most likely there wouldn’t be much difference and that people would still suffer, and someone pointed out that at least you could leave letters so they know it’s not their fault. I agree completely with that, and i’ve actually wrote letters every time that i’ve attempted (i don’t know why i forgot that).
In the end i guess that all you can do is trying to make sure that the people you care about have a clear understanding that it was your decision so they won’t blame themselves (which they will anyways, but at least on a lesser degree). Also pointing out the obvious (that you love them) is a good thing, because even if they most likely know, it might alleviate things if even just a bit. All that could be done by letters, video recordings, audio, etc.
Leaving a will (like you mention) is a good idea too, i don’t know in your case but i haven’t been able to sell everything. There are some things that i just couldn’t part with until the day i’m finally gone.
I talk to my aunt (mom) and my ex who still loves me all the time about it. I tell them how I will no longer be suffering if I end it all and that the dead can’t hurt, only the living. My ex agrees with me actually, Carla my aunt feels sad. My aunt says stuff like “maybe things will turn around” and “you can always end it, why not wait?”. I tell her that I have a 31 year pattern of this and it never showed any signs of getting better. I also explained that I know my brain and how it reacts, therefore I sort of do know my future. Let’s say I took my life next year but if I would just have held on, my life would have turned around soon after – first off, I’d be too dead to care, secondly, we are all gonna die anyway so if it ever did turn around, it end up with everyone dead in the end. That’s how I think.
It’s kind of hard to prepare your loved ones for when you go. I try my best but it’s always gonna be heart breaking for them. I try to tell them that life is a suicide mission….we are all gonna die! They know I wanna go, they just can’t help let me go, I understand. For me it’s kind of a reversal mourning – I’m currently mourning my own life while everyone else is the opposite. But a suicide note would be great if you could do that for them. At least explain your thought processes and reassure them that your no longer suffering and your of sound mind and thought about this for years
Sorry I’m rambling, I hope it helped
Well imagine your sister committed suicide instead of you, how would you feel? It’s going to hurt them no matter what and at any age. I bet old people suffer as terribly as we do over the loss of loved ones, except that no one really talks or thinks about it.
My sister mentioned her hardships and struggles recently and the hint of suicide was there though she didn’t state it, but I cheered her up and she’s ok now…but it’s easy to think it is only ourselves that are suffering, so are many around us, they just rarely talk about it. Because life is very hard, esp if you don’t have a good income or if you make good money (as she does) there is the problem of maintaining that income or loosing the status you have in life…which is why she’s concerned right now.
I’ve also dropped hints, when I became pretty serious about ending my life about a year ago. It clearly distressed her. I never said I was thinking of suicide, but stated “in case I get hit by a car and die, I need to you take care of some things for me.”
I nearly lost another relative to suicide a few years ago but she told us she over-dosed and was saved. I didn’t like her that much but she was a part of the family and life is better with her around. However we really can’t live for others. Everyone has their own life to live and if your life no longer has any value for you, then there’s no point in living for others.
The reality is-as suggested above, we could die at any time anyways. Sudden heart-attack, get hit by a car, lunatic shoots or stabs us outside, anything can happen. Suicide of course is self-caused death, but a loss for the family you leave behind is still a loss, however it occurs. People will mourn, but then they’ll get over it. Actually it reminds me that I did lose someone dear to me many years ago and it was painful for about 6 mths to a year, but I got over it and did ok after.
So bottom line is that yes people will suffer when you’re gone but they’ll survive. I believe we need to live for ourselves ultimate and when we no longer wish to, then we shouldn’t stay around suffering in a terrible life, just because we don’t want others to feel bad. They will die also one day as well.