every so often i ask my mom to get me diagnosed with depression.
i doubt itll ever happen, and im probably lying to myself that i have depression but i wish i could get diagnosed within a second. i just want proof that i have depression. maybe some antidepressants to help me cope. my family probably cant afford them, so i feel trapped. ive attempted suicide once. my mom knows about it but she didnt know it was a suicide attempt, because i didnt tell her. anyways. i was talking to her earlier about me getting diagnosed, and at some point she said that my depression is self inflicted because i dont go outside and i never socialize.
shes probably right, too.
but i still dont believe her.
i dont believe that she loves me, and i think she might be trying to attack me in some ways. but im not sure. maybe i have psychotic depression and i just get a lot of paranoia.
its getting harder to continue this post, so ill just end it here.
3 comments
The fact that you made a suicide attempt is proof enough that something is wrong and that you should at least try to get help. Only a professional can answer if you have depression or not so if you don’t believe your mom, go ask the right people that can treat you.
Though honestly I don’t think you need a medical diagnosis to justify your emotions. You feel what you feel. But I understand you, I kind of lived the same with my mom in the past because I needed some type of confirmation.
I agree with @Tristeza so I won’t regurgitate her words. I completely understand that money can be an issue (I know that first hand) BUT assistance is often offered with medication companies but you need a diagnosis first.
With depression it can often prevent or inhibit your willingness and desire to go outside and socialize… getting diagnosed is the first step and it is unfortunately a first step that you may have to take yourself. If you’re uncertain on what your options are related to getting a diagnosis an option would be to call a suicide hot line local to you (either by your country or local services). I’m confident that they would be able to guide you on how to get the help and care you need and deserve.
Depression is a mental illness. I do believe that your mother loves you very much… you have to realize that mental illness isn’t able to be physically seen and isn’t well understood. I think it would be a good idea to call the hot line that I suggested and find out the information about getting diagnosed. Once you have this information approach your mother for help… be honest and sincere and relay the information to her… keeping with the honesty and sincerity, state clearly that you need help.
Depression can be short term… it can also be lifelong. Getting help as early as possible is the best way.
Additional note: if counselling services are available, take advantage of them if they are available at no cost due to money matters (again, I don’t know where you live) . If counselling isn’t an option, seek out a local support group as an alternative.
I hope you take some of what I’ve posted and use it to get better!
I couldn’t said it better than Mark. And I agree with Tristeza that suicide attempt should have been enough. Sadly thought sometimes people just don’t take it seriously or see what is right in front of them.
Maybe try sitting back down with your mom again and try to talk it through. There are options out there, I won’t repeat what Mark said but he has given you some good advice.