I think it finally caught up with me

I feel like I’m only five steps away from falling off this cliff and depression is pushing my back to the edge. Depression, it’s always been there from the start, when I tried to commit suicide when I was 11 and whenever I do my late night cries in bed. I’m at the point where I just feel numb. I don’t feel happy, I don’t feel sad, I don’t feel angry. I just feel tired and numb and I want out of it. So then questions started to pop up, “how can I end this?” “where should I run away to?” “is there anyway I can leave without anyone caring?” so I created a plan. I decided to push everyone away from me to the point where they don’t remember me anymore so when I try to commit suicide nothing or anyone would be hurt. Now you’re probably thinking, “Why didn’t you tell anyone how you felt?” Oh I have, regretted every moment of it. Everytime I told people that I’ve been depressed since I was a kid they just smirk and say “you’re a kid what’s there to be sad about?”. From neglect and abuse to bullying at school I didn’t have a safe place anywhere when I was kid. Then when I began to tell people who depressed I am now they say what any other ignorant people would say, “Oh just get over it. Be happy.” Allow me to press the button to be happy again, when I tell them that they gave a regretful look and I was left with guilt in my chest. I’m getting tired of being told how difficult I am to handle how my attitude is and restricted I am by everyone. It’s not me, it’s the depression. It’s the depression and they don’t believe that. So now I’m at the last step from falling off this cliff. So this could be my last goodbye to whoever is reading this Thank You.

Don’t find me
Don’t be angry
Don’t be sad

I’m just a coward who acted strong.