The worst day was last week, seeing the guy I have loved so deeply and gave my all to go for the first girl who showed interest. Given the time to think, I really hate her. She played innocent to get my confidence as well, so that I would tell her how much I love this guy. When in secret, she was telling him she was interested in him. He goes for it because she is young, short and skinny. She admits to having multiple boyfriends and being polyamourus and the one she lives with looks well older than me. I don’t think it’s romantic. I think it’s disgusting to have multiple relationships going on at the same time. And if she has several dicks to choose from, why is she up on the one man I love? I just didn’t see this shit happening. He’s obviously a lot happier. I don’t know what has happened since that day and I don’t want to know. She’s sick. But it involves a larger group of people, an interesting social group that I would otherwise like to be a part of. But I can’t. I just can’t go watch the love of my life be all over other girls. He had promised to not go for anyone that didn’t treat him as good as I do, but that sure went out the window! I’m so sick of being homeless, and so worthless and unlovable. I’ve been told since I was a toddler that no one will ever love me and the fucking shit is actually true and came to pass. I’ve always considered myself a romantic, always believed in true love, one on one relationships, and all my life I’ve had people tell me that my morals are wrong, that I need help, that it’s not healthy to just love one person. And now I’m confronted with that shit everywhere, with anyone new I talk to as well. People are sick. I feel like such shit. I’m going to be homeless forever, until I do kill myself. I need to. I just don’t know how. I can barely walk or stand because of an injury many years ago. I can’t really get to a place where I wouldn’t be seen jumping in front of a train because of my disability. I’ll never have the money for a gun. I’ve been trying to get this apartment owned by a sociopath. He hates everyone. I was told he wouldn’t like that I’m fat because he doesn’t want someone at risk of dying in the apartment. So I’m not wearing my back brace for the first time and the pain is beyond all fucking excruciating. This guy also hates charity and anyone who gets anything from anyone, so I have to hide that I work in nonprofits. I have to hide that I’m trans because they think they’re doing god’s work with these apartments. But I’m still waiting to meet him to pass his ultimate judgement. Even if I get the place, so what? I’m all alone in the world. Too fat, disgusting, ugly, and worthless to ever be loved. I truly feel like I don’t matter, and I never will. I don’t understand how I can so easily be written off, tossed aside and forgotten about. I’ll never mean anything to anyone. No one understands me or how I feel, or has any fucking clue how deep my emotions run. I need out of this. I wish I had the balls to slit my throat.
Look at this… ugly, fat, useless, hideous, sad, pathetic loser, good for nothing, fucking piece of shit, pretending to be a man to get an apartment, pretending to be a woman to get laid….
5 comments
The guy you’re into will most likely dump this chick if he becomes attached and she’s still in multiple relationships. It doesn’t matter if a person likes sleeping around, they always seem to hate it when someone they’re dating does the same thing. For some reason the majority of humans are wired to think monogamously about their p.artner, or at least they want to be assured that they are the #1 choice. Even promiscuous types (male or female), when they’re serious about someone, indirectly say, “I can sleep with whomever I want if I chose to, but you can’t. You’re all mine.”
Also, no one likes being vulnerable if they feel that their love interest isn’t on the same level. Why bother becoming close to someone who’s not going to provide the same level of intimacy and commitment that you’re offering?
This is where a lot of people get tripped up and why many relationships end once the initial lust/intoxication wears off, because they’re afraid of getting close and having their heart broken. Investing in a romantic relationship is a big deal, and is the other person really worth that risk?
So, I doubt that this woman is your guy’s dream girl and you might as well start counting down the days until they break up, because I’m pretty sure that will happen soon enough. (If I’m wrong, sue me, but she does have a lot of red flags.)
I’m sorry to hear you’re still having housing troubles, I hope you’ll get the apartment you want.
I think zalien is right that it’ll never last between the guy you like and this new girl. But he also sounds like a complete ****. You don’t deserve to get hurt like that.
I’m so sorry to hear about your housing situation too. If you get the place, at least it will be some source of stability. I hope you find another social group to be part of – the last thing you need is to be putting it up with such selfish people around you. I hope you find someone who will be loyal to you. Not everyone is so shallow and careless as that guy sounds… there’s no reason you shouldn’t be able to find much, much better than what you had.
I’ve read most of your posts and i think society is disgusting, and has treated you very badly i am sorry
and you are not hideous, disgusting, a piece of shit, and whatever else you mentioned. Wtf is wrong with society? I guess it comes to that UNCIVILIZED ‘natural selection’ crap.
people are disgusting not you
Well I’ll be homeless for the rest of my life. My credit is too wrecked from thieves who steal credit cards for a living and no one wants to live with a fat, ugly, disabled, old age blob of shit.