I wish the world was like in my imagination. I’m on my computer all day and I like looking up random images, like this one:
and putting a positive spin on it. Pictured are guards from concentration camps (in case you can’t see the photo or don’t know their history, they are very mean people). But it’s nice to imagine that in reality they aren’t that bad. They are a group of friends hanging out, having guiltless fun, not torturing people or having bad thoughts on their mind… They’re not nazi’s, they don’t want to cause you any suffering… I like to fantasize that everyone in every photo is pure-hearted and dove-like, kind of like Jesus was said to be. In other words, I’ve built a fantasyland in my mind where this world is like “heaven” and there are no pains or suffering, everyone is a precious angel that loves you unconditionally and wants your happiness – we create our own paradise while we’re still alive.
I admit It’s childish. Even more childish is that I want to stay in that fantasy, I don’t want to experience the real world and It’s struggles. To earn money… My first job, the boss practically taught me the best ways to scheme people – extracting all the money in the world while giving as little as you can get away with. Searching for mates, competing for power… I am finally sick of that stuff. I was once selfish and ambitious, vain and egotistical, but that wasn’t really me… Nobody is truly like that, when we die all our desires calm down and we’re at peace. When you don’t want anything the world has to offer I see nothing wrong with leaving. In my heart I’m dead to the world, the body then follows.
I just felt like sharing this but I came here to read methods. It’s forbidden so I’m leaving.
Maybe there’s something better when you die, besides “non-existance” and freedom from problems. I’ve been reading near death experience stories and they all describe being conscious but peaceful, so perhaps there’s a heaven/afterlife and God makes us suffer on Earth so we can appreciate the peace of death. We can all try to be like Jesus, you don’t have to be a Christian to try and be sinless.
2 comments
Unfortunately, many of the reported NDEs from suicide attempts are a bit different. Either they’re told they made a big mistake (& they may realize it when they get to the other side). Or if they stay, they have to spend a long period of time in a kind of purgatory, due to the pain their act has caused those left behind.
Still trying to decide myself whether that “purgatory” might be preferable to putting up with life.
I think its a shame you came here solely looking for methods and are off into the ether. Then again I’m pretty selfish amd naïve thinking some things can be turned around lol
However I completely agree with your mindset that if you feel done and theres nothing to add then thats it.
I love your thoughts on a happy fantasy land. Although I havemt taken that line with pics such as the example, I do agree that in every case there are people who get caugjt in something theybcant get out of and for the moment that puc was taken you might be completely right. Everyone likes to escape reality ever now and again, especially when life’s pulling you down on a regular basis.
Either way: I respect your decision, whatever form it takes and whenever that may be.