shell

Lately I’ve just been feeling like a shell of the person I used to be. After you’ve been talked down to by nearly all the people you look up to, all the people you called friends, and people that don’t even know you, it starts to weigh down on you. Back in 2010, I lost someone very close to me to suicide. I began my freshman year very lost. I let my grades slip and became extremely recluse. My social anxiety sky rocketed. Like, I couldn’t even ask the teacher questions. That continued all 4 years of high school. I failed nearly all of my classes. Each year I became more and more depressed. I eventually felt so cornered and so suffocated that I no longer cared my grades were slipping. I felt like I was so deep in this hole that I dug myself in, so what’s the point of even getting out? I felt like I had already failed so much and disappointed so many people. I was a joke to all the students and I was a joke to my teachers. My teachers even gave up on me. They knew I was hopeless. My dad won’t even talk to me. This was nobody’s fault but my own. It wasn’t my parents, it wasn’t my teachers, it wasn’t the person I lost to suicide. It was me. I am weak and pathetic and not even worth trying for. I know that. You don’t have to tell me that. I don’t deserve the life I was given. It was too good to a lazy piece of shit like me. There is no place for me here. I’m sorry.