I don’t know what to do anymore. It’s like a crippling black hole inside of me is sucking the life out of me. I feel so alone, I am so alone. I have two friends at college but they’re busy most of the time with work and class, leaving me in my solitude. I don’t want to go on anymore, I want to relapse on cutting when I’ve been mainly clean for nearly three years, but I don’t want the scars, the repercussions, the consequences. I just need something, an outlet. I’m so lost, so hopeless. I want to curl up and die, disappear, not deal with anything. I want it to end, I don’t want to be here anymore, but I don’t want to hurt my parents; their little girl killed herself? What did they do wrong? My chest is so heavy I can barely breathe, my lungs feel as if they’re filled up with a liquid of loneliness and despair. Why am I not good enough for anybody?
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Loneliness is one of the worst feelings. How long have you felt like this?
Always but I came back to college on Thursday and I don’t have many friends here. My ex doesn’t want me back which is okay but he’s the only one who makes me feel okay, just being with someone. College is always like this because I have very minimal friends and I’m alone like all the time. At home, I’m always surrounded by friends and I’m happy
I feel you. It’s horrible to rely on one or just a few people to make you feel better. Do you always feel worse going back to college? Maybe you’ll meet someone new there this time round.
Yes I always feel this awful. I’m just not happy here and my ex literally just crushed me, because I’m stupid and thought we’d get back together and he doesn’t show any interest in that so on top of already freaking out how alone I am, that just like broke me.
It’s probably no help right now, but the stuff with your ex will fade over time and hopefully be a weight off everything else.
I just don’t know if it will.. It’s been 6 months since we stopped talking last and it hasn’t gotten any better. Especially coming back to school and hanging out with him the once just messed me up again. I’m so devastated.
Sorry to chime in on this, but those things take time. I’m lots older (30+) and every time i’ve had a break up i’ve needed years to get out of it, so 6 months sounds like a reasonable amount of time. Still, you do need to decide to move on, otherwise, you could be stuck on that for even a longer period of time. Like Trix mentioned above maybe you’ll make new friends eventually, or you could engage in some extra curricular activities that keep your mind off. In any case i wish you luck, been there (alone in college with a broken relationship) and it’s by no means easy.
Yeah, it must make it that much harder to be around him. Do you think it’s definitely over now?
I find the more depressed you are, the harder it is to let go of anything that helped you feel better. It can feel virtually impossible. Especially if you’re suicidal, because you need any rock you can find… But that doesn’t mean it will be that hard forever. Just harder than it would be otherwise, or will be when you start to feel a bit better. It’s much easier said than done, but if you can find other things to help, you’ll probably find it’s easier to be around him and not be with him anymore.
I just don’t feel like I can get over it. I have really bad trust issues apparently, so cliche to say but I didn’t realize until my therapist helped me figure it out. There’s very very very few people I let in, like a lot of people could stop talking to me forever and it wouldn’t really phase me. But he’s someone I let in so it makes it so much more difficult, on top of being my first almost “boyfriend”. We didn’t even fucking date, though we were “together” for like 3 months. not a long time but idk it meant a lot to me. He’s kind of an asshole who’s using me I think, and just a total douchebag, but he’s so much fun and we have a lot in common. I’m so fucking broken over it on top of being horrified that I left home for college again and it’s equally as lonely.
I think a lot of people here could relate to the trust issues. It makes break ups tenfold more painful. It won’t last forever. And hopefully the next time you won’t have such a hard break up. You WILL meet someone else eventually and all the scars from the first time will heal. He doesn’t sound a great person to be with long term. Even if that’s true, I know it doesn’t help you now, but it does mean that you’ll be free to meet that great person when he comes along.
Idk something about him. I don’t know what makes me let some people in and not others. I was kissed by a guy tonight who was very attractive, made me laugh, and we got along pretty well, but the whole time I was thinking how he wasn’t my ex. Like that’s everything I like in a guy yet I can’t get myself to be remotely interested.
Time will help you. I know it’s been a while already, but you’re still depressed, you’ve just seen him again… you can’t be expected to get over him fast.