want to get this off my chest its whatever

paralyzed as my chest felt heavy i saw him after 2 months. i wasnt in good mood but i wanted him to see me becase i knew if he did we would both smile but that never happened. feeling guilty because i have a bf but he always crawls his way into my heart. he’s mysterious, dark, and is beautiful while my bf is dark, sarcastic, and also beautiful. they both make me smile and laugh at my worst times and are both there for me. (no joke this feels like some twilight bullshit.)