Hi neptune 🙂

First of all, things can sound much blunter or less caring when they’re in writing. It’s rare on this site that someone says something without the intention of trying to help.

When people say things like that, sometimes it’s something the poster hasn’t really thought about yet. If you’ve tried it and you make yourself miserable, then ideally you’d change yourself – but I think everyone here realises how difficult that is. Even when people manage it, it isn’t overnight. You’re not letting anyone down – if you stayed here for decades posting and still feeling miserable without changing at all, no one would think any less of you.

For me, when I can see some practical advice or a possible new perspective to give someone, I usually give it. I often worry that they’ll feel like you, and that it might sound callous and make them feel like they don’t have the right to just talk or vent. I often hesitate before sending those sorts of responses in case they make someone feel worse. But I care about every person on this site, and I wouldn’t want to make anyone feel that way. I don’t think anyone else would either. Don’t think they do. People here really care, and each post you write is valuable because people will read it and understand, and know that they aren’t alone. Not all those people will comment, because they won’t all have advice to give and might not know what else to say.

You’re just as welcome as anyone else here.