i dont see the point in why i even woke up today. haven’t been awake 30 minutes and already i feel like shit. get called a bum by my brothers boyfriend and of cores my brother thinks its funny. my next door neighbors are laughing at me while im crying saying “i hope she kills herself” while they are calling me a child molester with an std and thats probably the reason why im depressed, and my mother (who i love dearly) just thinks that i can flip a switch in my head that turns it all off and makes it stop. the only people i can tell any of this to is you guys, because if i tell anyone else im faking it and im trying to get attention. i cant be happy because im not good enough to be happy, i cant be sad and depressed because im not good enough for that eather, and then when i try to pretend like im ok and i put a smile on my face im fake and im trying to get attention. damned if you do damned if you dont. like i said only two options i have is to sit and rot away or just kill myself and die. unfortunately there is something inside of me that says i dont want to die even tho the rest of me is saying whats the point. thats probably natural. god said “im going to give you life, im going to make you want to stay alive, and im going to make you suffer for it, i want to see how much you can take, i want to see how long you can last before you decide to end your life.”