I really wish I could talk about this with anybody, but I know it’s not a good idea. It never was. It will never be. Empathy and caring are just fantasies or lies people tell you to make you feel you are living a better life.
I see people of my same age around me that excel at one thing, or even more. They can do whatever they like. And then there I am, a good for nothing fuck. Every time I try something, I fail. I don’t know why. Maybe it’s just never meant to be. I could write a book with a list of all the things I have failed to do or with things I suck at, get paid a dollar for each one of them, and be fucking millionare.
Sorry, I needed to take that out of my mind. Sorry if I wasted your time. I still want to say something, but I’ve learned that for focusing too much on me and my problems I became a worse person than I was long ago.
3 comments
Your tag name makes me think of Supernatural, my bf loves it, ever watch it?
The grass is always greener, someone else always has it better, except when they don’t. You know you’ve cared about people before, and empathized with them too, so you can’t really believe that.
You’re not a failure if you don’t excel at something. One of the biggest “myths” that i’ve debunked for myself in the last years, is that you have to be great at something in order to feel valuable, and this is coming from someone that used to excel at a few things at one point of his life. I failed miserably at many things too, and got it right just a couple of times. Years went by and after being left with nothing, i realized that i never had to make that effort for others (and myself) to like/accept me.
If you want to excel at something tho, be prepared to fail a gazillion times, put in a lot of effort, an usually come out with nothing out of it. Usually people fail to see that there’s a whole lot of sacrifice behind “successful” individuals (there a few exceptions, but those are really few). Note i used “” to write successful, because that term is a highly debatable one. In a sense, yeah, it’s cool to excel at something, but that doesn’t and shouldn’t define you, or give you more or less worth. Find your thing, devote to it, and get enjoyment out of it (and this is the best part), that’s all there is to it, even if you don’t become the very best at it.
You are locked into a belief that you have to be very good at doing something to be worthwhile. Try turning the issue upside down. Be very good at NOT doing something.
I, for example, am very very very good at not committing genocide. Not treating women like shit. Not forgetting to clean the carbox. Not kicking puppies. Not eating the last cookie. Not being the first or second or third person to criticize someone’s obvious screw up.
This simple list of NOT things I am good at makes me a pretty damn spectacular person. I bet you are one, too.