Follow up from my last post where I admitted to my sister I needed mental help. Usually admitting you need help is a great first step to getting better. I guess that all really depends on who you admit it to, though, and I made a huge mistake in my choice apparently.
It took a lot of courage for me to come forth and admit to one person, whom I thought I could trust, that I wasn’t okay and I needed help. I have depression and severe anxiety, so when I say it took a lot of me to tell just one person, I mean it took everything I had.
Anyway, my sister took it upon herself and made the decision to tell my whole family. Apparently she thought that would be best. I mean, what depressed and severely anxious person wouldn’t like their issues broadcasted throughout their entire family?
There’s many reasons I told her and not anyone else in my family.
I don’t talk to my parents about this stuff I deal with because they don’t know what to do about it except make it awkward by trying to help. They’ve never dealt with this before so they haven’t the slightest idea what to do. And I knew if I told them, they would feel like bad parents, but it’s not their fault and I didn’t want them to feel that way.
My sister freaking told them though. And now they feel bad and think they failed me as a parent. I asked her why she told them and she said, “I’m worried about you and I can’t help you.” Like okay, shouldn’t that be my decision to tell them or not? Or at least run it by me or at least fucking tell me you told them before I show up to their house and they start asking me a billion questions? It was so hard just to text her for help, let alone have my parents talk to my face about it.
They don’t treat me like their daughter now, they treat me like a depressed person. I know, I am a depressed person, but I’d rather be their family than a mental illness to them. It’s not their fault they don’t know how to act around me anymore, but now that my sister told them she just made things worse for me and everyone. There’s no place I can go now and not be treated like I’m depressed.
We had a family reunion yesterday and everyone kept hugging me and treating me weird. Everyone in my whole family knows now apparently. My sister basically walked five feet in front of me everywhere and was like “Yeah, my depressed sister is coming this way.” Not literally, but she might as well have. She walked around talking about me as her depressed sister instead of just her sister.
She posts and shares stuff on Facebook about it as well. Just tell your 2,000+ friends on Facebook about your fucked up sister, who barely wanted one person to know. Who does that?
I’m so incredibly upset with her. I thought she would understand me. I understand she’s one of those depressed people who wants everyone to know for the sympathy and attention, but I thought she knew we were two separate people dealing with two very different lives. I guess it was my mistake for thinking she would be anything beneficial for my depression. I feel so betrayed by her. I don’t think I can trust her anymore, which sucks because I would always tell her everything.
I just wish I never opened up to anyone now. I can’t take it out of anyone’s memory. Now I’m always going to be known as “the depressed one” in the family and it’s because of her.
12 comments
I totally get how you feel. My ex used to betray me like that all the time. I don’t think they realise at all the harm they’re doing. At least it sounds like your family really care about you which is nice. Your anger and hurt are justified. I don’t know what to say really. I just wanted to say that I get how you feel and I am sorry you got hurt and betrayed.
I just don’t get why people do it. I don’t see why if someone confides in you, you’d think telling that information to everyone would be the best choice. It amazes me, honestly. I feel like she did this on purpose to get more attention for herself and get people to talk to her “to help me.” She used her fucked up sister as an icebreaker now. Just…ugh.
And just the fact that you took the time to read and respond to my long, jumbled post is enough for me. Thank you.
Hi Inhaling Anxiety. Please try to understand that your sister and your family have probably had no experience in dealing with someone experiencing depression and anxiety. Please don’t isolate yourselves from your family. Now that they know, try having a frank conversation wirh them. Tell them to be quiet while you talk. Explain how you feel. Explain how it made you feel when they did the things they did. Your family sound fundamentally supportive and loving. Perhaps they need some help to give you the support you need. My mental health clinic has leaflets for parents. Perhaps you could find one of them online and print it out and give it to your parents. No communication and isolation from your parents is not the answer. I wish you well.
Well my sister was in the military and deals with depression and anxiety. We have two different forms and issues, but I thought she would at least understand shouting it from a rooftop was a bad decision. And she’s a lot stronger than me and can handle things much better than I can. I can’t deal with all the attention and sympathy. I’d rather sit in a dark corner and listen to others, rather than be in the spotlight and talk about me. It’s not who I am. I can’t sit down and talk with them now or ever. I’m not going to hide from them forever, just not really going to have a good conversation with them anymore. I’m not one to go out and do things for myself. Or ask for help or attention from others. Just thinking about it gives me anxiety..
Wow, I am so sorry this happened. This kind of crap just makes it harder to speak up the next time. It does sound like your family cares though, especially your parents, even if they are clueless about how to react.
Many years ago, I went to a friend because I was feeling suicidal. I took my bottle of pills (didn’t realize back then they wouldn’t have worked anyway) and asked him to hold them for me, just to be safe, and then asked if I could stay and talk. He said yes, took the bottle, and disappeared into the back if the house for a few mins. A short time later the cops are knocking at the door – yep, he called the cops on me. I explained to them that I came to him because I had decided NOT to commit suicide, but they hauled me off to the hospital anyway (the whole time lecturing me about how I would hurt others if I went through with it). That’s right, I was taken away for choosing to LIVE, although the hospital wisely decided not to keep me. I was FURIOUS!!! So I completely sympathize with being betrayed. However, most people close to me have been good about it. Not everybody is untrustworthy.
See that shit is dumb. You go to someone for help and they just make it worse. They don’t think things through very well, if at all. It just sucks she lead me to believe I could tell her anything in confidence and she went behind my back and told everyone. I didn’t want everyone to know, or I would have told them.
I don’t know who I can go to now and it just makes it that much harder for me to go out now, in fear of everyone knowing my problems wherever I am.
If you tell them that the things they say about you and the way they act around you is making things worse for you, I’m sure things will improve. Your sister probably just sees it as a bit of mindless sibling banter. Tell her its hurting you. You need them all helping, not hindering. Hugs. xoxo
I can’t talk to them. And I’ve tried asking my sister to stop playing my issues everywhere, but she gets mad and says I’m denying help from her. That I don’t really want to be better. Then she makes me feel bad for saying I don’t like how she’s “helping” me. It’s just making things worse.
Perhaps you won’t -always- be thought of like that. I see where koki is coming from in the reply above. Sometimes people just don’t know how to respond. If a family member in particular is making you feel a certain way, maybe a private request to that person would take care of the problem. As time evolves, I’m quite sure that less and less attention will be placed on you. You might actually be perceiving more attention than there really is. Regardless of how some family members responded, telling someone that you needed help was the right thing to do.
I’ve tried saying what she’s doing isn’t helping me, but just making things worse, and she gets mad at me and says it’s my depression talking and I’m not allowing her to help. She says by asking her to not tell everyone she possibly could is denying help and I don’t really want to get better.
This crap happens all the time and it makes be sad and furious and laugh. This has happened a few times in my life One time no one cared, one time they all joined in on the mental illness bandwagon, one time my Psychiatrist turned on me and sided with my abuser and one time no one did a fucking thing.
All I can say is that even if I felt betrayed silence solves nothing for nobody. I felt betrayed each and every one of those times but it forced me to deal with my own destructive mental illness.
Plus its really hard to blow your brains out when a whole fucking crowd is along for the ride. I’ll let that picture just digest for a few minutes….
I’ll just have to go somewhere else once this all dies down.