Well… I fucked up my first year of college, so I’m cleaning up the mess. I panicked and stopped going to class. Failed almost all of them due to lack of attendance. BUT. I start CNA classes soon. It’ll only take a couple of weeks, so I won’t have time to flip shit before it’s over and there’s no pressure to be so vastly intelligent. As long as I can take care of these people, I’m good. I know I can. I’ve been helping the CNAs that work in the same building as me for quite some time.
I feel so stupid most of the time. I don’t know why. I guess I’m relatively book smart. I know all of the answers. I just can’t make myself put them on paper for fear of being wrong. I’m definitely not street smart and I’ve never been good with people outside of a professional invironment.
If I’m in a professional invironment, I can bs my way through everything well enough that no one seems to notice my shortcomings.
I have a plan for my life. Beyond this next move. I won’t type it all out, because there’s no point. I’m just trying SO FUCKING HARD to put myself back together…
In truth, I’m terrified of failure.
2 comments
Small steps are the best kind. You can do this! 🙂
Small steps are good, small steps are manageable and reasonable. That’s a Certified Nursing Assistant, right? That sounds like a good position.
I am a bit worried about the pressure you’re under to not fail.. I think setbacks are unavoidable, and it’s impossible to plan everything out perfectly. I fear that when you meet a bump, it might cost you a lot.