.

This is…a hard matter to discuss, quaero. To achieve that state indefinitely, you’ll need to kill your heart. But no one can really kill their heart; only suppress it. You can do it for a year, if you’re strong, or two, or three. But eventually it will break. The mind will cloud due to the despair that isolation brings. But by that time, you’ll have given so much for this ideal that there will be no other road but to keep following it, keep trying. Each problem you solve will be soul crushing, but you’ll push it down, push it all down, sublimate your feelings, and continue with honest clarity.

Where does the line between life and death lie, quaero? If you pursue that completeness, the price is your future. Life becomes stasis. Time immaterial. All things fade into insignificance. And then one day you’ll wake up, and find your world burning, and you won’t even care. And you won’t even know whether or not that feeling is genuine.

An honest man who pursues an ideal having to do with honesty and clarity will inevitably end up betrayed, because to pursue an ideal you must change yourself. You must be dishonest about your feelings, because the heart cannot be disciplined.

This is just my experience, quaero. Anyone named Mordred is probably not the pinnacle of hope. After all, I am the quintessential traitor. But this is my two cents. Do what you will, but take care of yourself. I would rather not watch another human walk down the darkest road.