I usually don’t post twice a week. But I have no one else to vent to and I’m just on the edge. I have nothing going for my life. As said before, I’m getting kicked out of school and this is my last semester but my parents don’t know. If they find out, I’m not sure what would happen, but I still decided not tell them. I figured since I’m supposed to go back to school January 20th after the break, and I’ve already picked out my date on Jan. 9th (my birthday) so I guess I won’t have to worry about school anymore. Or my parents finding out that I was kicked out. I just had so much greatness planned for my life when I was young and I messed it all up. Everyone around me is doing great. And I’m going nowhere. So what’s the point. I tried to go to the military, but they said because of depression, I can’t go in until I’m better and it has to be said by my doctor. I didn’t even want to go to the military, I just thought of it as my last choice.
And the guy who raped me….I don’t see him on campus often, but when I do, I want to die. I want to shoot myself right then and there. And I don’t know why. I just want to die so bad when I see him.
I know this was a pointless post. But I just really wish I had my method right now because I would definitely do it right now. But I’m still going to wait until my birthday just to see if anything change even though I know It won’t.
3 comments
I’m truly sorry for what’s occurring in your life right now. I know I don’t have much to offer you, but just know that people do read what you have to say. Keep us updated until you reach your date, and maybe even after. I hope you feel a little bit better soon.
I can’t offer much either unfortunately. But if you ever need to talk or get something off your chest, my email is in my bio thingy. I’ll listen
Dear whateverbelle.
As a parent I would like to think that i’m approachable for such concerns. I may not understand all details but that’s why we call it a conversation. So that hopefully my kids would allow me to ask the questions that I would need to fully understand their situations. Now as a human that too has been raped and did nothing about it for 22 years , I’m now learning that has affected ALL of my relationships. I thought I ha dealt with it on my own however, I’m seeking counselling now and it has been brought to my attention that, well I have in all actuality NOT dealt well. I have been on both sides of your fence. And actually I’m wavery back to th dark side. That is why I come here. For reassurance.
Please please, talk to you parents. They will never forgive themselfs if you went ahead with it and they didn’t have a choice to show their potential support. Keep in mind disappointment is easier to get over then the death of your child. I hope this helps.