forgive&forget.

the bruises they fade, and the scars disappear. yet I’m stuck here hurt beyond disbelieve, looking for answers I can’t find within myself. the memories burn in the back of my mind and come creeping back any chance they get. the way her hands hit my face so effortlessly, or the way degrading words flew out of her mouth. I never felt so small, so afraid. I lay there helplessly on the ground, pleading for what seemed like my life, but not even that would stop her. then the next day would come and there would be flowers, or a heartfelt letter apologizing. I knew it was coming before she even thought about sending them. it was all to familiar now. the beating, then the aftermath. it was a constant cycle, that I prayed to God would just end. she broke, broke me in more ways then one. she belittled me and made me believe every lie she spit my way. making it seem as if I almost needed her and in some weird way deserved this. she had complete power over me, and I handed it to her. I hated her, hated her for what she have done to me. but now I forgive her. not for her, but for me. because like chains shackling me to the past I will no longer pollute my heart with bitterness, fear, distrust, or anger. I forgive her because hate is just another way of holding on, and she doesn’t deserve to have a permanent residence within me.