my girlfriend and i decided a while ago to have a kid and eventually got pregnant. everything was fine until lately, when she got to the eighth month. she is now starting the ninth. see, both me and her suffer from mental illnesses, and in her case, she felt as if the embryo was protecting her, and so her illness disappeared, even if for a while. knowing she is gonna deliver soon, her illness is back. it was enough when both of us dealt with our difficulties before, but with a baby on our hands, that seems almost impossible. at least, that’s how things look right now for me.
i started picturing his life in a very sick way – with both parents crazy, was taken by the state to grow up in an orphanage, lived a lonely and miserable life. of course, we were and still are aware of our difficulties, and we did think this through before, many times.
i don’t know. maybe it’s because i’m feeling bad at the moment, that my mind is racing towards these images, and maybe this shit is not that deep.
i just deeply care for the child to not suffer as many of us do, and to have a nice childhood, and adulthood, unlike mine.
4 comments
I think you’re seeing the future in the worst possible way because you feel so bad. It doesn’t have to end up that way. It’s a bad time for both of you to be ill, but don’t worry about the future. Just try to be there now. You can both keep working on your own problems. It won’t be impossible.
All a child needs is just love from it’s parents and that’s it. Judging from your immense concern and fear for your kid’s well being and happiness, you already love him/her more than many peoples’ parents from around this site and the child is not even born yet. I would say your kid may be actually lucky to have such caring parents.
thank you.
It actually is completely normal to freak out before your baby is born. As a parent you want nothing but the best for them And even the most “sane” parents cant offer that. My life is in complete shambles right now but my kids are the happiest kids on the planet. My oldest lost his dad to cancer and my other boys dad moved across country to avoid them. One of my kids is special needs and they think they have the best life ever.