I’m twenty-year-old female. I live alone and I’m in my 2nd year of college. I’m struggling with depression since I was 12. My mum had depression and I think she passed it on to me. All I think about everyday is how I can kill myself; I spend hours thinking how and I don’t have answers. I don’t have a “bad” life, I mean I have everything, but I’m still not happy. Last year I messed it up. I don’t know how I fell in love with my best friend’s dad, and I tried everything to stop it, but I couldn’t. When his family found it out was when everything got worse. Now they all hate me and I feel miserable… and the worst thing is that I still love this guy .. he told me he is going to divorce, because he wants to stay with me.. but I don’t know what to do.. I’m the worst person in the whole world 🙁 In addition, this semester at university has been very hard (btw, I’m studying translation and interpretation), I don’t know if I like what I’m studying, but I really don’t know what to do, I feel depressed, I don’t study, I only eat junk food.. If the situation doesn’t change, I think I’ll kill myself 🙁
Help
share your suicide story
Report Post
Please log in to report posts
7 comments
Sorry to hear that. It sounds like some changes would be good for you. It will be tough, but sounds like you should move on from your friends dad. Just chaulk it up to a youthful mistake and try to find someone with less baggage. And a change in your college major to one you enjoy more or find more fulfilling would help you as well, I believe. I hope you find happiness and success. Don’t end up like me.
I’d change my major if it involved translating Sanskrit or bird calls, bit if it’s English/Spanish/Portuguese or Mandarin, then I’d stick with it. I think that’s one area of study that is totally different in real life from the grind you have in school.
Dating an older man who’s family is up in arms is going to be nothing but trouble. I have a couple of pages I could write about how you should avoid him but I know it won’t do any good. This is a lesson you need to learn for yourself. I strongly suggest you try to stay un-pregnant.
Most all of this is not your fault. You are still learning the ropes of life. So start practicing forgiving yourself.
If you are going to a half decent school they might have psychological services. Find out and go to them if you can. You aren’t the wrong one, your illness is telling you that. Don’t give into despair.
Peace be with you.
I asked for help at college, I don’t wantto be a burden for my parents.. but they told me they’d call me two weeks ago and I’m still waiting
The way this country is depresses everyone (by your nickname i assume you live in chile, i live here too), and it has one of the highest rates of depression in the world, so it’s not a rare thing that you suffer from it, specially if your mom suffers from it too.
What happened with your dad’s friend is bound to get them to hate you if you end up being the cause of their parent’s divorce, but be very careful about it, not for your friend, but for yourself. If i had a dime for every time i’ve heard that an older guy claims that he’s going to divorce his family for a younger girl (and never does it)… heh, i’d have lots of money, lol. So, even if you’re in love with this guy, you should look at the situation from a realistic point of view, because it’s one of those things that could wreck your future (seen it happen).
As for not burdening your parents by telling them about your depression… i think that they’d rather prefer having to deal with it than losing you. If your mother already suffers from it she’s bound to better understand what you’re going through. I know how things work around here, and you might wait forever for that phone call so… yeah, maybe asking for your parents help isn’t such a bad idea.
I agree with SeeSmith in that you shouldn’t blame yourself because hey, some things just happen and we have no control over them (falling in love), but really, give it a good thought and do what’s best for you. I really hope that you find a way out of everything that’s troubling you, solutions are there to be found. Not that it’s going to be easy, but most likely you can over come this, good luck 🙂
oh thank you … I’ve tried to talk to my parents but they don’t think that I’m as depressed as I am.. I’ve talked to my classmates and friends too, but I think they might believe I’m just exaggerating 🙁 I decided to publish my story here, I wanted to get rid of this burden ..
I think I also suffer from OCD 🙁 I’m sooooo obsessive with people, and I know they get tired of that attitude, but it’s something I cannot control.
I forgot to mention before, if you have some sort of medical plan, a private visit to a psychologist shouldn’t be more than 10000-15000 after discounts, and if you’re on fonasa most general hospitals (the state ones) have psychologists as well, but it does take a while to take an appointment. I’m saying this because if all else fails you might want to try going to one on your own (it’s not that much money), even if it’s just one visit, so you can get some proof to back up your argument (and that way maybe your parents might take it more seriously).
yes I think i’m going to go to a psychologist or a psychiatrist… thank you