ignore this

I’m on the edge of a psychotic break down. if I keep pushing on to the end, that I’m oh so close to…so close to finishing my show, finishing this semester, finishing school……. it’s going to finish me. I can’t wait a few more day, weeks, let a long months! Everyone tells me how close I am to finishing school, “just a little more, two more semesters, you got all this way, why quit now when you’re so close?” And no one wants to listen about my bad day, how much I can’t stand it, and listen to me cry. My friends don’t want to hear it, by boyfriend can’t handle it; I can tell he wants to break up with me again, if I keep acting this way. I just need to toughen up and get through it like everyone else. I’m not the only one having a hard time so I shouldn’t be the only one complaining. I’m ruing everyone’s day, I’m killing the mood. These aren’t my words, my friends have said so, even though they were trying to direct it somewhere else so as to not hurt my feelings. That’s fine, I won’t tell anyone about how I’m feeling, I’ll keep it to myself, and one day I’ll disappear, and they’ll wonder why, why I never told them.
Why are people so contradictory? They say to call and talk anytime I’m feeling down or need a friend, and then when they’ve done their duty and cheered me up they expect it to be over with. Like I’m not going to get sad again, like this isn’t every day for me. I should talk to a professional so I don’t have to burden anyone who isn’t getting paid to listen to me. So I just write it here, because that’s what we all do. When we have no one else to talk to. I don’t even care to talk anymore, or get sympathy, or have anyone care to listen. I just want to vanish. disappear, cease to exist, dematerialize, vaporize, expire, demise, conclude, terminate, evaporate, die, death, dead, gone, no more, numb extinct, lifeless, fade, recede, end.