I don’t even know if you really like me. You seem to put an unusual amount of effort into trying to talk to me, but maybe that’s just the way you are. Maybe you’re just nice. You are nice. Always. Even when you seem miserable. Not in a shiny, happy, fake way, but a sad, resigned, kind way. You’re probably the most enthusiastic person I know, and you put so much effort into weird little gestures that no one really appreciates. It’s like you actually care or something. I don’t see that often. Sensitive people are rare around here.
I catch myself wanting to stop work and look at you, whenever you’re around. Not because you’re stunning or anything. But just because you’re you, and I care.
Unlike most of the people I find attractive, I actually like you. Weird. I feel a real affinity for you, although we’re very different. You’re always chatting, and I’m incredibly quiet, but I can sense the anxiety and insecurity underlying what you say. There’s this nervous, uncertain energy driving you. Your coping strategy is just healthier than mine. I wish I could be the one to reassure you, and make you happy. When you’re happy your warmth lights up the room.
I love the random, weird stuff you come up with, just to make conversation. Talking with you is easy, and funny. You’re so smart, but invent all this dumb stuff to pass the time, and put people at ease. It’s a good compliment to my dry cynicism.
I love that you don’t hide all your eccentric little mannerisms, despite how self-conscious you are of seeming weird.
As I said, I don’t even know if you really like me. But if I wasn’t so screwed up, I’d risk asking you out.
As things are, I just…..can’t. I can’t risk letting you see who I really am, letting my cultivated shroud of mystery dissipate. Because if you saw, you’d be repulsed. You’d hate me. And I couldn’t take that. So I keep you at a distance, although I want to be close to you.
I don’t want to stop these feelings – they’re some of the few good ones left in me. But I don’t know how to carry them without doing anything about them.
7 comments
God I loved reading this. Thank you for sharing.
Those were really words. I never thought someone would picture us like this. That’s so sweet. 🙂
Makes one wonder a bit more about the people around them think. 🙂 And of course I want this to have a happy ever after ending.
Very heartfelt!
I had a crazy idea I would re-interpert your message. I hope I don’t offend you!
You seem to put an unusual amount of effort into trying to talk to me, but you make no sense. You are miserable and you make weird gestures no one appreciates.
I stare at you all the time even though you’re not much to look at. This proves I care. I don’t like attractive people which is why I like you.
You talk too much and there is anxiety and insecurity in everything you say. You are nervous and uncertain and I am the only one who will ever make you happy. Your conversations are random and weird. You invent dumb stuff to pass the time and it gives me a good excuse to use my sarcasm. You need to hide your eccentric mannerisms and get over your self-consciousness about being weird.
I’m so screwed up that I will ask you out. You will never see under this dirty blanket I wear; it is repulsive. You will hate me but you are going to have take it. I will always be watching you; from a distance during the day and close by when you sleep.
I can’t stop these feelings and there are no good ones in me. One day I will carry you off and I will give into them.
@SeeSmith – not 100% sure where you’re coming from with this, but it rather implies creepiness, which is fine, I guess, though not really what I was trying to convey. I’m sure you could argue the fact that I’m thinking this much about someone I don’t really know that well is in itself creepy.
I don’t think she’s miserable – just that she has a tough life, and is unusually sensitive. She seems pretty resilient to it, considering. Compared to me, she has her life totally sorted.
Fairly sure I don’t stare – in fact I go out of my way not to look in her direction unless we’re talking. Though the fact that I’m so self-conscious of wanting to look her way could be interpreted as further proof of creepiness. But I wouldn’t want her to know that I thought about her, and I go out of my way to avoid letting on.
I do like lots of conventionally attractive people. And I find her attractive primarily because of other things (which I tried to express.) Not that I think she’s ‘ugly’. Just that I didn’t find her attractive until I got to see how she is in the world. Which is unusual for me, since I’m shallow.
She does talk a lot, but it works for her. I don’t think the anxiety/insecurity would be apparent to anyone not familiar with it. Likewise the eccentric mannerisms. She gets on with people far better than I do.
I don’t think I’m the only one who could make her happy – far from it. I’m sure I couldn’t. I just wish it were otherwise. As I said, I feel an affinity. If I wasn’t so completely screwed.
Pretty certain that I wouldn’t ever ask her out. Hence sad feelings.
Which is for the best. Because it would be fucked up (though not quite as creepy as your re-interpretation sounds.)
Close, but no cigar.
I’m so sorry. I was try to use the same structure and words you used AND have it mean the exact opposite of what you were saying AND for it to be funny. It was not meant to be a critique of your work or be in any way based on reality. It was supposed to be parody and absurdity. I really must apologize for offending you. What you wrote was 100% kind and poetic and genuine. There was no need to go through a line by line defense because it was perfect the way it was written. I am ashamed that I so badly overstepped the bounds of good taste and if I made you feel uncomfortable or diminished then I have done a great disservice to you and the SP community. SP is a place where good things like what you have created are shared and appreciated, not criticized or minimized. Please, I beg you, go to the WP Dashboard and remove my entry from the comments. It has no place here. My only hope is that at some time in the future I can make amends for my transgression.
Hah, don’t be sorry, my mistake. Reading intent is often hard for me, especially online. Taking myself far to seriously (and over-analyzing everything) probably doesn’t help.
What you wrote was funny, but clearly hit a little too close to home. I’m so wary of my feelings that even something that seems good and genuine one moment quickly gets shredded in my mind. Hence the feeling of needing to defend it. Chalk it up to my massive insecurity.
Thank you, as always, for taking the time to read and comment.