Hello. I’m 19 years old. Female. College student. Living with my mom. I just turned 19 last month. People always tell me that I’m young and I have a whole life ahead of me, and I have so much more to achieve. Well, that’s true, but how could I continue living with this weird sickness that causes everyone to avoid me?
It’s not the physical pain that kills me, it’s the emotional pain brought by it. To be honest, I’m embarrassed to even talk about it to my closest friends. I’ve been on this medical forum and realize there are others like me, and are also desperate to find a solution. I’ll link it if you want to check it out, but please when you read it don’t laugh because it’s a really serious matter and there are people suffering from it.
I cried reading the comments from fellow sufferers like me.
http://www.medhelp.org/posts/Gastroenterology/foul-smelling-flatulence-all-time/show/438477
It really hurts when people avoid me. I ride public transports going to school everyday and it’s just torture. Nobody would even dare sit next to me, if they do they can’t wait to get away from me. And in class, oh god, I hear whispers of “I hope she doesn’t sit with us today” and “There she is again”. Even my “friends” in school avoid me because of the second-hand embarrassment they get when they’re with me. It just really sucks. And now I’m known in the school for it. Even those from the other courses see me be like “Isn’t that the girl who blah blah blah” and then laugh behind my back.
Even my mom says she’s tired of me. I keep asking her to take me to the doctor, but because of our poor financial condition, I can’t. I can’t live a normal life. I have other problems that I think I should worry about, like my parents got divorced, my father not sending enough financial support because of his new wife keeping him away from us and keeps cutting off contact and my mom is jobless.
Those mean nothing compared my sickness that I’m feeling now.
If I don’t have this sickness I would’ve been a happier and better person. I would have high grades (I often cut class because of the embarrassment I get, and my classmates bullying me), I would have gotten a part-time job to atleast help my mom (But who would hire me when people can’t even stand to be in the same room as me), I would have atleast experience having a boyfriend (No one dared to court me, or even be friends with me). And maybe I would get a chance to live a life I truly deserved.
I have been bullied since grade school, but this sickness started when I was in highschool so that made it worse. I have been to several doctors, got a lot of tests done, drank a whole lot of medicines but nothing. I’ve been sufferring for atleast 7 years now. But this year in my 3rd year of college things have turned worse. I planned to hang myself yesterday, but I couldn’t do it. Maybe if I had the guts to just kick that chair off. Will try again tomorrow after Sunday mass. I want to spend my last few moments with my mom.
5 comments
Do you have Celiac’s disease or something? If there’s something wrong with your ‘gut’ it could be due to an allergy, or parasites, etc. You probably need an intestinal cleanse.
I’ve never been diagnosed with that. But I’ve been to several doctors and everytime, it’s always a different diagnosis. So I don’t even know what it really is. Changed my diet, took my meds, changed lifestyle…nothing.
It’s funny that there are people out there with cancer or aids or other life-threathening diseases, and then there’s me. But let me tell you, it feel just as serious as those. It’s like living but not totally living. I almost feel like a zombie living everyday, physically present with my mind elsewhere. People don’t really understand unless they experience the same thing.
don’t discount how you feel physically. That isn’t fair to you.
Read some of the comments on that page, and a poster suggests some cheap, non invasive suggestions (kyolic garlic/zinc supplements, stuff like that), have you tried some of those suggestions? might be worth giving it a shot if everything else has failed. I can’t imagine how it is to have the condition you have, but i did have some pretty strong GERD for a couple of years, changing my diet did help… so yeah, there’s still some things you can try that won’t take too much money or a million visits to the doctor. An intestinal cleanse might help too like nepheliad mentions. Sorry if i’m saying stuff you already tried or know, but it can’t hurt to try.
I’ve tried what they have suggested in the comments, been doing it for 3 months. Nothing. I just feel hopeless and depressed. I met someone in that forum and we talk to each other via email, it kinda makes me feel better. But I dread going to school and having to take in all their judgmental looks and disgust. I always eat lunch alone, and spend my time alone in the cafeteria during my vacant hours in between subjects. My friends have avoided me. And my old classmates, don’t even wanna sit next to me in class. And if I do sit next to them, they’d just roll their eyes and mutter stuff. And then proceed to gossip about me with their friend. I hate acting like I don’t feel or hear anything. I just wanted it all to end.