To @Mf

All i can say is thank you. It’s sort of funny how things work at times, because i got like almost no sleep and woke up thinking “i’m going to write up a bit more about that situation to see if i can get this out of my chest” and i find this, lol.

To be honest i also try to cover it up most of the time (and i’m often perceived as a cranky oddball, which i kinda am, so that helps too), but when i feel like i’m being ignored for days on a particular situation (in which i’m trying to help and doesn’t give me back any benefits at all)… well, i do feel rejected and get fed up. Guess i’ll write a huge block of text so i don’t make a post about it (and no one reads it by accident, i’m pretty sure only one of my class mates is good at english and she wouldn’t visit a place like this tho). Huge block of text incoming, you’ve been warned, lol.

So… to make the situation a bit clearer, i was called over sensitive because i reacted back by walking away from a situation where i was being ignored for like the 10th time, after 3-4 days of getting ideas shunned, while half assed/similar versions of my ideas where used. I even tried commenting in a constructive way about some of them along those days, and that also got ignored. When i walked away i did say out loud that i reached my limit of tolerance (politely, no screaming, no swearing), grabbed my backpack and said goodbye, which apparently no one heard, which seems weird to me because someone did say goodbye to me and everyone was gathered around, so i’m pretty sure i didn’t dream it or anything. After the work that needed to be done was done they shared it (after submitting it)… and well, i did commented that it was half assed (using polite words tho), there were grammatical/orthographic mistakes, and the arguments used were poor. I wouldn’t usually be so harsh but it was a formal issue, sent to a higher authority in the corporate ladder, so i don’t think i was out of line by pointing it out.

I did end up somewhat clarifying my reaction the next day because someone was complaining that few people took part on that work, so i just said “hey, no one wants to participate because you don’t hear other people’s ideas so why would they bother? i tried for days to no avail and what you ended up doing was worse than what i proposed” and some people agreed with it (a few said it to me later), some didn’t, but my “friend” (which now that i think about it is more of an acquaintance that might had become a friend over time, not to keen on that now tho, lol) did participate in the work that was sent… so she resented the fact that i criticized it (along with the few other people that had part of it).

So in short… i became a pariah because i pointed out flaws (i do understand why that bugged them tho), coincidentally i didn’t get invited to a birthday celebration the day next to when i walked away because “it might have been awkward” (sure, i’ve helped them with assignments all semester but this one flaw puts me in the black list right away, lol), and i was “forgiven for my behavior” later because “they’re fond of me”, which i was told while having coffee and talking about the whole situation… and that’s when i was told that i’m too sensitive and take things to seriously. And that’s when i honestly got really angry (which i didn’t show, plus it hit me hard and i was left feeling like crap).

I mean… you’re telling me that after days of getting shunned in a situation that doesn’t help me at all (and i have helped them with other stuff that doesn’t help me either before), you get upset because i do a realistic evaluation of a formal work, which leads to being uninvited to a birthday celebration, and… i’m the one that is over sensitive, takes things too seriously, and should be grateful because “hey, we’re fond of you, don’t worry, we forgive you”?. I do have to clarify i don’t give a damn about a birthday celebration, but it’s the fact that bugged me, plus, i was the only idiot that had bought a present for the birthday person (which was, my “friend”).

I mean, i can’t lie about this one, i do know i’m not good with rejection because i’ve had plenty of it on my life and i do get overly defensive at times, but… i don’t know, i feel like i’m not that wrong on this one. It’s both weird and sad because this just further reassures me that i just shouldn’t be near groups of people, all i get is reminders that i don’t function normally (compared to them).

What’s funnier is that it’s not even romantically related, since even if i find this person attractive i don’t see her even on a remotely similar page to mine, so i know for sure that i’m not really interested in anything but friendship/work relationship and that my reaction/anger comes from the overall situation and not just from a “zomg, my love interest hurt me”. Yeah… i do over analyze things to that extent, and i did it in this case because the words “you’re too sensitive” did hit me hard. I do know i am, but, hell, my guess is that anyone would get fed up after feeling left/out ignored for several days. Or maybe i’m just crazy and that’s why i’m on a suicide blog posting this, lol.

Oh, and i have to say this again, i do appreciate it guys. Really, you kinda fixed what was set to be a pretty crappy day.