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Cheap thrills and guilty pleasures

by Deadinside59

Sighs recently i guess I’ve been doing anything to feel honestly now I’m just a piece of meat when i look in the mirror, first i did nothing but cut then i got to the point where i don’t feel it anymore it feels good sometimes, sex made me feel good so i had as much as i could get but now i just feel dirty and used (yeah guys can feel that way) and now i don’t know what to do ive cut as much as i could fit without it being too obvious now I’m just tired all the time recently I’ve wanted nothing but to find my true love however to be honest I’m glad im not dating anyone at the moment last thing id need to do is explain the cuts on my chest or why I’m so tired all the time Christmas is in a week so i guess I’ll just spend it alone then afterwards hope somehow ill find a way to make it better


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Hazy Day Sunflower 12/18/2015 - 11:53 pm

Seems something in the air tonight. There is a theme to the posts. Introspection and pain.

Deadinside59 12/18/2015 - 11:58 pm

I think it might just be the time of year Christmas time is usually when most happy people are happier and those who are sad plunge into an abyss where there is no light until the season is over it claims more lives around this time of year

Hazy Day Sunflower 12/19/2015 - 12:00 am

It does. I get introspective this time of year. Tonight I’m about 8 layers down. Each a new moist blanket that gets heavier.

Deadinside59 12/19/2015 - 12:04 am

I can’t complain if I die I won’t clinge to life I’ve made a lot of people happy this past month it took nearly all my money but I gave a lot of presents to people who normally spend Christmas alone

Hazy Day Sunflower 12/19/2015 - 12:05 am

Your name should be lightinside59.

Deadinside59 12/19/2015 - 12:13 am

I can’t deny this made me chuckle thank-you

Hazy Day Sunflower 12/19/2015 - 12:21 am

I scratch my head sometimes. You are whipping yourself with one hand and handing your heart to the world with the other. Pretty amazing if you ask me. Don’t beat yourself up over the sex, as a person well versed in whipping myself over sex I have learned that if I left with a smile on my mouth then it was worth it.

Mf 12/19/2015 - 12:08 am

Holidays. They always get to you one way or another. All i can say is that you won’t be the only one trying to spend some time alone this holidays (my family only has dinner and then i usually escape to my room), and… yeah, guys can also feel dirty and used, been there. As for love… well, that’s in most cases kinda the “ultimate goal”, so it’s kinda natural to reflect on it, specially at this time of the year… just today i just got this weird feeling of “i wish i had a loved one so i could spend christmas with her” when i was getting some gifts for my family, but as it stands i’ll just buy some booze and forget about the holidays.

Deadinside59 12/19/2015 - 12:12 am

Today I found myself thinking of a special someone I used to have a thing with but she hates me now so I’m in the same boat I plan on getting drunk for Christmas cause even if I wanted to spend Christmas with my family I couldn’t they don’t like me spending time with them because they think I’m a drag

Hazy Day Sunflower 12/19/2015 - 12:15 am

Looks like most of us will be wasted for the holidays.

Mf 12/19/2015 - 12:19 am

Heh, that’s a funny coincidence, today i was sort of thinking of a girl that hates me too (which led me to that “i want someone” thing). I don’t know if it’s a good or bad thing but my family gathers for a couple hours even if some of us hate each other with a passion (and i’m sort of the black sheep i guess). You don’t sound like a drag tho… i mean, who in this age spends all his money for people that have no one on the holidays?. Pretty sure i’m at the other side of the world but if i were close, i’d buy you a drink just for that alone, heh.

Deadinside59 12/19/2015 - 12:20 am

With any luck one of us will get shit faced and have great sex

Hazy Day Sunflower 12/19/2015 - 12:23 am

Well I will be doing the shitfaced part. LOL.

Mf 12/19/2015 - 12:23 am

That’d be you, unless something really weird happens in my world this week. Not that it couldn’t happen, but i’m not exactly counting on it. Hell, at least i’ll buy good liquor this year (sake), haha.

Deadinside59 12/19/2015 - 12:23 am

MF the one thing I like about the internet brings people from all over the world closer and to my family I am a huge drag because I don’t fake smile I don’t fake laugh and I don’t speak unless spoken to and do what I’m told because if I don’t we all break out into an argument

Hazy Day Sunflower 12/19/2015 - 12:30 am

You must be doing holidays with my clan.

Hazy Day Sunflower 12/19/2015 - 12:32 am

LOL Mf. Maybe, but the great would get left out.

Mf 12/19/2015 - 12:32 am

Wait, what? do we all three live under the same roof or something? that description sounds like every single holiday here (well, except for 3 years when my ex gf was here and they behaved… and so did i).

Hazy Day Sunflower 12/19/2015 - 12:33 am

Our only hope for peace is to get the wet blankets so drunk they either pass out, puke int he bathroom or agree to play poker and lose.

Deadinside59 12/19/2015 - 12:36 am

Here’s hoping I get so shit faced I mistake my hand for a naked super model

Hazy Day Sunflower 12/19/2015 - 12:37 am


Mf 12/19/2015 - 12:39 am

Hahaha. I think i’ll hide all my pillows before getting shit faced. Plus the vacuum cleaner.

Deadinside59 12/19/2015 - 12:42 am

I’ll have to hide the lube and tissues so I don’t get carried away with that great sex lol

Hazy Day Sunflower 12/19/2015 - 12:47 am

What’s it say that I’m married and both of you have a better chance with Mf’s vacuum?

Hazy Day Sunflower 12/19/2015 - 12:50 am

Well this conversation definitely pulled me out of my introspective mood. Nothing like off color humor to lighten the mood.

Deadinside59 12/19/2015 - 12:51 am

That’s so sad, I thought intimacy was important in marriage?

Nina 12/19/2015 - 12:51 am

Cheers to that. I’m skipping the holidays all together. Disappear and come back when it’s all over. Maybe I’ll hide out in the attic with a bucket of cookie dough. Not to eat since I can’t do that anymore but just smell it form time to time and to feed the raccoons so that they don’t start eating away at my toes during the night. Yep.

Hazy Day Sunflower 12/19/2015 - 12:53 am

Yes, it is the bedrock. Intimacy and trust. Long story short, I had goodbye sex the other night and he won’t leave. So plan b.

When you figure out what my plan b is please let me know. I’m tapped out.

Mf 12/19/2015 - 12:54 am

Hey, i don’t share my vacuum with anyone. I’m monogamous and so is she. There’s been talk about marriage, but we just can’t agree on the place, because she’s a bit of a cleaning freak (go figure).

(btw, nite guys, i was supposed to check my horoscope and sleep… 3 hours ago, now i have 3 hours to sleep, lol. Thank you for the laughs!)

Deadinside59 12/19/2015 - 12:54 am

How does one resit the urge to eat cookie dough you have some iron will power in play here

Hazy Day Sunflower 12/19/2015 - 12:55 am

Night Mf. Kiss your vacuum for me.

Deadinside59 12/19/2015 - 12:55 am


Deadinside59 12/19/2015 - 12:56 am

HDS plan B um got any roofies I think that might change his mind lol

Hazy Day Sunflower 12/19/2015 - 12:57 am

cookie dough + attic (spoon optional) = brilliant. Add some bailey straight out of the bottle and a sleeping bag and I see absolutely no reason to leave, except to use the toilet, so add a camper toilet and call it a day.

Mf 12/19/2015 - 12:57 am

I… just can’t leave without saying this: i’m sorry, but i just laughed hard at that “i had goodbye sex the other night and he won’t leave, so plan b”.

If you had sex with him, and it was good (which it is for men like 99.9999999999999…% of the time… obviously he won’t leave! (i mean, i wouldn’t… no, i would, but i’d think it for a while). Plan b… kicking the crap out of him and throwing him out of the house through the window? or maybe plan c: using Nina’s definition of STD’s so his peepee goes black. I don’t know, i’ll better get some sleep because i’m just writing nonsense here.

Here, have a peepee: i. imgur. com/77DBpHb.jpg

Hazy Day Sunflower 12/19/2015 - 12:59 am

LOL. Nope. I tried to break up and he countered with “un, no”. and went back to his happy day. No one ever takes me serious. It was like some fucking sitcom. I actually have a friend who plans on writing a stage farce based on my life two weeks ago. We actually outlined the entire plot and dialogue. It was hilarious up to the point I realized I was actually living it. Hohofuckingho.

Nina 12/19/2015 - 12:59 am

Yes yes. Dream of shriveling black peens Mf.. You’ll get the best sleep ever. Night!

Deadinside59 12/19/2015 - 1:01 am

Well for Christmas dress up sexy then instead of having sex take a black lump of coal and shove it up his stocking (if ya catch my drift) if he doesn’t go running then I don’t know what will work

Hazy Day Sunflower 12/19/2015 - 1:02 am

Well Mf, a lady does have needs and my logic was “welp I won’t be getting any for a long time so best make the most of this last time”. You may have a theory there. LOL. Didn’t even think of that. Wasn’t Woody Allen that said he never had a bad orgasm, that every one of them was right on the money?

Mf 12/19/2015 - 1:02 am

Aaaaand that’s two nights of nightmares for me, yesterday it was the peepee leaves, and now black peepees. Can’t go without ruining something for youin return, lol:

iv1. lisimg .com/image/91399/380full-edward-penishands-poster.jpg

(first thing i could think regarding peepee… that’s an actual, real movie… and now i’m really going, nite!)

Nina 12/19/2015 - 1:04 am

Mf… Should I be afraid to open that?

Nina 12/19/2015 - 1:03 am

What if he likes said lump of coal being shoved up his stocking?

Deadinside59 12/19/2015 - 1:05 am

That’s when you get a bigger piece of coal

Hazy Day Sunflower 12/19/2015 - 1:08 am

Hmmm. You guys may have something there. And with that amazing visual I bid you guys goodnight. Netflix isn’t going to watch itself and I just recently go myself out of a showhole.

Thanks for cheering me up everyone.

Nina 12/19/2015 - 1:09 am

Night night hazy. *hugs*

Nina 12/19/2015 - 1:08 am

Lol lumps of coal come in extra large?

Omg Mf why. .. I have a trauma when it comes to that movie. I saw it when I was very young and till this day it freaks the heck out of. Nooo

Deadinside59 12/19/2015 - 1:11 am

Lumps of coal can be the size of engagement rings to the size of your head so yup try fitting that up there even if he likes coal shoved up his stocking I can promise you he won’t like that lol

Nina 12/19/2015 - 1:13 am

Or he might…

Deadinside59 12/19/2015 - 1:14 am

If someone enjoyed something that large they deserve a record somewhere

Nina 12/19/2015 - 1:17 am

Wait… What are we talking about here… Christmas stocking? My innocent mind doesn’t understand where you’re going with this.

Deadinside59 12/19/2015 - 1:20 am

Haaaaaaaaaa stocking being used as a sexual innuendo for his ass

no more of this please 12/19/2015 - 3:06 am

I’m throwing coal at santas house

rocketman 12/19/2015 - 7:59 am


i love being a piece of meat!!! 🙂 girls i’m at your service! nothing wrong with spreading a little sunshine!

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