For the past couple of months I’ve been contemplating what my next move should be. “Should I try to fix my life, or should I say fuck it and end it?” I’m still not sure what the best choice is, they both have their pros and cons. I think I’ll attempt to fix it in the next coming months. I’ll try to get a GED and I’ll put all of my effort into it. If I manage to fail then I’m done. That’s it. I’m not giving myself more than one chance to fix everything. I’ve already wasted too much time being nothing. Even if I were to pass, I might end my life after despite. The reasoning being: what quality jobs can I get? Not any that I dreamed of. That’s for damn sure. I don’t really want any jobs in the customer service industry because I have no social skills but I don’t have the education, nor do I have the money for what I want. So it might be best to save myself the time and embarrassment. If I get to the point where I’m living on my own it doesn’t mean my life will automatically be better. In fact living could ultimately make my life even worse. If I were to get a GED, and live on my own at some shitty place, I would only be able to ever live on minimum wage jobs forever most likely. No internet, no cable, no new clothes, living on ramen noodles. That would probably be me. I don’t have a great relationship with my parents but at least, “at home” I’m “comfortable” in a sense. No, the answer isn’t to mooch off of my parents forever. At latest if all goes “well” with my plan A then I would stay home for two years whilst working and getting some kind of income before I move out at 18 or 19. My life will never be “fun”, and I’ll never be “happy” though. Living to me actually sounds pretty damn lonely. I am alone now despite living in a household with others, however, I’d be physically alone. I wouldn’t be a burden to my parents if I moved out though, but at the same time I could also stop myself from being a burden by ending my life. It’s a tough call.