I wished for stars tonight because they were the last thing I wanted to see. Of course it has to be cloudy but it don’t really matter…
My last few hours that I plan on being alive and I am spending it here on the internet….How pathetic can I get??? Just sitting here waiting for darkness to fall. I even bought some incense sticks that are supposed to smell like Christmas. Stars and the smell of Christmas, I wanted happy thoughts in my head as I died. I know this post rambles and I am sorry, I have so many thoughts going through my head right now. Please forgive me.
The note I am going to leave for my partner is short. What can I really say??
Sweetie,
I tried. I really did. Please forgive me. Some how, some way, it will all be OK.
That is it. The whole note
So tonight, Heaven gets a new angel, one with a tattered halo and broken wings
15 comments
Hey!!!! Dont leave us.. your your partner..
I dont know whats going on, but you have him, and he has you.. you are not alone, as most of are..
You can die another die 🙂
You can die another day*
Don’t give up stars and the smell of Christmas. Have many more nights of stars and many more Christmases. Many more mornings of coffee and freshly cut grass, rain on a summer evening. Stick around for a few more rainbows and butterflies.
I know this feeling; the feeling of wanting your final moments to be perfect, but all you get instead is some garbage. See you around, Gonegirl.
Gonegirl49,
Thanks a lot! 🙂 WHAT DO YOU PLAN ON DOING? Anyways yes i agree never go out bitter, i think you need to plan it out a little better! than just some incense sticks that are supposed to smell like Christmas. 🙂
(( HUGS )) Thank you all for the kind words. Rocketman, we are not allowed to talked about methods of endings one’s life here. 🙂 Thanks again everyone.
@gonegirl: It sounds like you love your p@rtner so much. Does your partner know you feel this way? If not maybe give yourself a day or two and talk it out a little on this forum. Lots of people here feel like you do and are waiting just one more day.
I’m sad your leaving, I will miss you. Hope everything goes well! I hope you change you mind and find a reason to stick around a little longer.
I am here for another day. I really want to look up and see the stars one last time. Am I asking to much?
I love my partner very much but after the rape, I changed. Gone was the carefree girl I use to be. She needs a strong woman and not this broken thing I have become.
So I am waiting for a starry night…
I pray the moon beacons a hearty face tonight.
Hello everyone –
I’m new here.
I have been reading posts for some time now, but it wasn’t until now that I decided to start sharing with all of you.
Gonegirl49, your post from last night really moved me. As beautiful as it is, it also made me gasp, hoping you had decided to stick around for a little longer.
What many of you don’t realize is how tough and strong you all ACTUALLY are.
You fight these internal battles day in, day out, and have the courage to ‘function’ while you have a war within you.
On the contrary, many of us fail miserably when it comes to facing our demons, our guilt, are mistakes, and shortcomings, choosing to ‘live’ as if everything is fine. When it isn’t.
I admire you all.
The longer you fight the battle, the more chances you have at winning. Just know when to ask for backup and reinforcements, and I assure the troops will arrive!
Gonegirl you should stay for one more Christmas. You are so so close. You can count the days. It is my sincere hope that you will find rest from your pain and help processing what happened to you. If you are able, let the people who love you carry you until you are strong enough to stand on your own. It’s okay to break down after what happened. Strong people are made that way through darkness. No one strong ever came from an easy life. You used to pride yourself on being strong, you still are. After this, if you decide to stay, you will be even stronger.
My baby has beg me to stay till after the holidays. I don’t know if I can do that but I will try just for her. We will cherish this time together.
Gonegirl49,
I really hope that when/if you reply to this comment, your alias would have changed to LovedGirl49 or StrongGirl49. Because you are both you know?
For what is worth and from the bottom of my heart, MERRY CHRISTMAS TO YOU AND YOUR LOVED ONES!!!
Does anyone know if Gonegirl49 is okay?
Gonegirl49 – if you read this, please let us know you are still with us.
I sure hope you are and that you and your “baby” are working through things together.