My night

Stories like this make me so fucking furious with the world. Because it is all about how they feel right? All about their sorry feelings or that they are embarrassed by their son, who has an addiction he is battling.

Make no mistake Deadinside, this is an addiction. One many do not understand, but an addiction nonetheless. And just like a heroin user or a alcoholic trying to go cold turkey, you can’t go cold turkey unless you tackle why you do it.

I’m not asking you to stop cutting. Lord knows my family would never understand why I do the insane things I do. My fingers look like ground meat today and it is to the point where they all, even the youngest, poke me when they see me picking at them. It makes me furious, just furious, which makes absolutely no sense whatsoever. I struggle with this daily. I do it because each finger is a little tension faucet. each little hole I pick at relieves the tension if that makes any sense at all. I don’t do it to punish myself but it helps with the tension in my life.

I should just go back to taking Klonopin right? But I’d be stoned 24/7 and get dependent on them and then my life would truly be out of control.

And now that I have totally hyjacked your thread to be about me….I have a question for you:

Does the cutting make you feel better? If the answer is yes then fuckem, fuckem all, just keep your cuts clean so they don’t get infected and work on better coping strategies until you can replace this with a more appropriate coping strategy. As long as it is making you feel better I don’t see the harm in it. This may be a very controversial way of dealing with this, but it works for me and it work for other addicts across the world.